Radio will no longer be able to hold its presence, as television and internet media will replace it very soon. Do you agree or disagree?

With technological advancement, old items are quickly being replaced by newer ones. The life span of products has shortened as almost every day new developments are seen in one or another field
which
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, which
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makes existing products useless. The same applies to the
radio
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, where easy availability of the
Internet
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and television
have
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has
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replaced
radios
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and
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, and
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no one wants to listen to the shows when they
actually can
Correct word order
can actually
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see visual expressions of the artists on the TV set. I see myself favouring the given statement and putting forth my opinion in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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with, in
this
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fast-paced
life
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life,
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people don't have time to listen to
radio
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shows exactly at the same time every day. Nowadays, video recordings are available
which
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, which
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facilitate individuals to record their favourite shows so they can watch them whenever they feel convenient. People can
also
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watch decade-old movies or shows on the
Internet
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,unlike
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radios
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radios,
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where they can't listen to old shows
according to
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their comfort.
Secondly
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, the wide availability of televisions has almost replaced
radios
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. As a matter of fact
is that
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,
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every household has a television. There are barely any houses left with a TV set.
Therefore
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, when televisions are available to watch movies and shows
no
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, no
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one pays any heed to turning on
radios
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. Not only easy reach of the television industry,
they
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but they
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are
continuously
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also continuously
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updating their models to cope with the latest demands of society
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such
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, such
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as introducing the
Internet
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on TV sets
which
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, which
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means people can watch whatever they want on their televisions
which
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, which
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are already connected to the
Internet
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.
To sum up
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, I would say sooner the existence of
radios
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will completely vanish. I listened to the
radio
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when I was a child
now
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, now
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,
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apply
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I have to tell my children what
radio
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is.

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task response
Task response: Make your view clear in one line at the start and keep it in all of the essay. Give more clear reasons and small, real examples to back up your view.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use one plan for the essay. Start with one idea, then go to the next. Use linking words but not too many. Each paragraph should have one main idea and a short end line.
structure
The writer shows a clear view and uses a simple plan with an intro and a short end.
coherence
Linking words like 'To begin with', 'Secondly', 'To sum up' help the flow.
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