IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Radio will no longer be able to hold its presence, as television and internet media will replace it very soon. Do you agree or disagree?

With technological advancement, old items are quickly being replaced by newer ones. The life span of products has shortened as almost every day new developments are seen in one or another field
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 makes existing products useless. The same applies to the
radio
Use synonyms
, where easy availability of the
Internet
Use synonyms
 and television
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 replaced
radios
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 no one wants to listen to the shows when they
actually can
Correct word order
can actually
show examples
 see visual expressions of the artists on the TV set. I see myself favouring the given statement and putting forth my opinion in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in
this
Linking Words
 fast-paced
life
Punctuation problem
life,
show examples
 people don't have time to listen to
radio
Use synonyms
 shows exactly at the same time every day. Nowadays, video recordings are available
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 facilitate individuals to record their favourite shows so they can watch them whenever they feel convenient. People can
also
Linking Words
 watch decade-old movies or shows on the
Internet
Use synonyms
 ,unlike
Use synonyms
radios
Punctuation problem
radios,
show examples
 where they can't listen to old shows
according to
Linking Words
 their comfort.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the wide availability of televisions has almost replaced
radios
Use synonyms
. As a matter of fact
is that
Verb problem
,
show examples
every household has a television. There are barely any houses left with a TV set.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when televisions are available to watch movies and shows
no
Punctuation problem
, no
show examples
 one pays any heed to turning on
radios
Use synonyms
. Not only easy reach of the television industry,
they
Correct word choice
but they
show examples
 are
continuously
Rephrase
also continuously
show examples
 updating their models to cope with the latest demands of society
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as introducing the
Internet
Use synonyms
 on TV sets
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 means people can watch whatever they want on their televisions
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are already connected to the
Internet
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I would say sooner the existence of
radios
Use synonyms
 will completely vanish. I listened to the
radio
Use synonyms
 when I was a child
now
Punctuation problem
, now
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 I have to tell my children what
radio
Use synonyms
 is.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: Make your view clear in one line at the start and keep it in all of the essay. Give more clear reasons and small, real examples to back up your view.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use one plan for the essay. Start with one idea, then go to the next. Use linking words but not too many. Each paragraph should have one main idea and a short end line.
structure
The writer shows a clear view and uses a simple plan with an intro and a short end.
coherence
Linking words like 'To begin with', 'Secondly', 'To sum up' help the flow.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: