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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #health #person #service #companies #healthcare
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There is no doubt that everybody demands a healthy body for life, yet some suggest that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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private companies should not give any medical treatments to people. I personally believe that they have more benefits than harm. With regard to the advantages of private hospitals, they dedicate themselves to providing the highest quality of services to their patients because they are usually well-equipped with the latest medical facilities
such
 as ultrasound equipment, CT scans and professional human sources.
Moreover
,
this
 kind of healthcare sector is able to cater for the personal needs of different patients as they can keep track of one’s health condition, followed by a specific surgery or recovery plan.
Subsequently
, people are more likely to receive medical treatment as soon as possible in commercial hospitals. If they visit public hospitals, they are more likely to wait
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a long queue, especially for organ donation.
Therefore
, it is worthwhile for the community to pay more money for a better experience. Despite the rewarding services provided by companies, it still has some undeniable disadvantages.
Firstly
, the accommodation fee is generally quite expensive which may be unaffordable for low-income groups. It may result in discouraging the public from tackling their illness
due to
 financial problems.
Besides
, it possibly widens the disparity between rich and poor people as the latter may think that the rich have the privilege to receive a higher quality of healthcare assistance. Anti-rich sentiments may arise in society.
Thus
, public health and social harmony are severely affected.
To sum up
,
it is clear that
 private healthcare has both positive and negative sides but I think it still gives a better and worthy medical treatment in general. Private companies may consider subsidising the minority in society in order to tackle inequality.
Submitted by ariel03lee on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit-making companies
  • medical services
  • public healthcare systems
  • state-of-the-art facilities
  • personalized care
  • innovation and efficiency
  • equity and access
  • public institutions
  • healthcare disparity
  • accessibility
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