IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Prevention is more important than cure. researching and treating disease is very costly, so it is better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#prevention #cure #disease #measures
These days everyone is suffering from a minor condition so the thoughtful way to cope with
such
 a situation is that take preventive measures
instead
 of investing a heavy amount in hospitals and doctors' clinics. I am in favour of
this
 statement because it is affordable and
also
 a time-saving process. I will elaborate in my essay below.
To begin
 with, nowadays certain types of disorders like blood pressure, and diabetes are becoming common and most often everyone has one of these either at an early age or in their late age.
Therefore
, it is beneficial if we concentrate
to maintain
Change preposition
on maintaining
show examples
 a healthy lifestyle
hence
, it can save us from a number of expenses of the hospital. If we went to the physician it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 cost us a great fee
along with
 that the tests are so expensive that not everyone
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 afford them.
Consequently
, it is to our advantage that we can eat healthy food
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
maintain proper hygiene and avoid the food that causes
such
 problems and fatal sicknesses in
this
 way we can save a lot of bills and live a fit life without any stress.
Secondly
, it is a time-saving process as well people when they
got
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 ill take leaves from their jobs it does not
put
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a great impact on their health but
also
 on their wages as well.
However
, if we fully
focused
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 on our daily routine and take an adequate amount of fruits, fibre, and protein in our diet it is not only good for our health but
also
 we can save a lot of time and earn more wealth from that payment, we can fulfil our wishes and can enjoy
also
. In conclusion,
although
 we are living in the modern world where there is a lot of machinery available to cure disorders if we focus on our diet and maintain a healthy lifestyle it is much better than spending bills on medication it
put
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a negative impact on our mind
as well as
 on our budget. In my opinion, it is better to invest in our bodies by having a pure fresh diet rather than spending funds on hospitals and medical practitioners.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

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task response
The essay provides a well-structured argument with relevant supporting points. However, the response could be more in-depth and could address possible counter-arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points. However, ensure that the essay maintains a consistent focus throughout and effectively transitions between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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