IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Few young people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study and work in cities. What are the reason? Do advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

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It is the most important part of the individual's life to get
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
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 career and study
famous
Change preposition
at famous
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 universities. Currently, some
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters prefer to educate in the
cities
Use synonyms
 in order to build their ultimate goals in the future
to
Change preposition
in
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 the
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
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. There are a few positive and negative sides
of
Change preposition
to
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 inhabiting
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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urban
areas
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, a few of the young people want to study and
work
Use synonyms
 in the
cities
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, there are many different facilities there so as to live and educate.
Therefore
Linking Words
 today's youngsters desire to use these opportunities.
For instance
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, many years ago, a cousin of mine preferred to educate and find well-paid
work
Use synonyms
 in the city to his hometown. After he came to the city he took a chance to get his ultimate goal.
As a result
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, he achieved his best achievement
due to
Linking Words
 studying well.
Therefore
Linking Words
 a famous company gave him a job and
a
Correct article usage
the
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 high salary he wanted.
On the other hand
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, there are some of the disadvantages in urban
areas
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.
Firstly
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,
air
Add an article
an air
the air
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of
Change preposition
in
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 the
cities
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 not fresher than
rural
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in rural
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areas
Use synonyms
 because of having more vehicles.
Secondly
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, the person who prefers to live in the city can
be get
Change the verb form
get
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 serious illness to breathe air pollution.
Linking Words
Lastly
Add a comma
,Lastly
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 they do not
contact
Add a missing verb
have contact
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 with their family so as to live far from them. These situations cause different troubles for those who want to
work
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 and study in urban
areas
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. Another reason is that they do not arrive
their
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at their
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 birthplace even though they desire to live in rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people prefer to educate and
work
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 to their
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 there are a few
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
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 and
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 sides of populating in rural
areas
Use synonyms
. I have tried to answer relevant examples from my experience.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic opportunities
  • higher salaries
  • career advancement
  • quality education
  • urban areas
  • amenities
  • healthcare
  • modern living standards
  • independence
  • vibrant social life
  • cultural diversity
  • technological advancements
  • internet services
  • migration
  • brain drain
  • population density
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