Topic: In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#topic #world #animals #food #medicine

Nowadays many people

argued

Wrong verb form

argue

show examples

that

animals

should be not used for human needs

such

as food, medicine, and fashion industrial

experiment

Fix the agreement mistake

experiments

show examples

. I personally disagree with

this

statement because using mice or other

animals

can not be replaced for inventions or experiments to conduct research or another purpose.

On the other hand

animals

are indeed paramount for human life

as well as

support many aims both in scientific invention and basic human beings' needs.

To begin

with, mice are often used for medical research to find medicine or technique for the surgeon, because it is really less hazardous

rather

Rephrase

apply

show examples

than using a human as an object.

Furthermore

animals

are far cheaper compared to humans if a scientist would like to acquire medical experiments to cure a rare disease.

That is

why,

animals

can not be replaced as a function or object to do that thing.

For instance

, during the Covid-19 outbreaks mice

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

used to figure out the effectiveness and safety factors of vaccines prior to being used for humans.

Besides

, snake poison is

also

really needed to find an antidote to save someone's life if they

got

Wrong verb form

get

show examples

bitten by a poisonous snake.

On the other hand

this

trend is a contentious issue for animal defence organizations to prevent

animals

as an object for numerous human needs.

Moreover

, they doing campaigns and promotions to raise people's awareness of these things, so

animals

are not being threatened by illegal hunting. If humans are not really aware

to utilize

Change preposition

of utilizing

show examples

animals

for many purposes it will lead to several negative consequences,

such

as some

animals

being endangered or even worse extinction.

Therefore

, using

animals

for many activities should be regulated and monitored

also

by the multi-stakeholder. In conclusion,

although

numerous negative possibilities can be raised to

this

trend, I certainly disagree with

this

statement because

animals

could not

Wrong verb form

cannot

show examples

be replaced by far. These

animals

also

have a significant role in the new invention in medical curing and other purposes

Submitted by darmasamuelhutajulu on Sun Jun 04 2023

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Task Response

Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and provide a clear conclusion that reinforces your position.

Coherence and Cohesion

Work on developing a more organized structure with clear topic sentences for each paragraph and smooth transitions between ideas.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

325 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic: In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

All children should be given a free laptop when they start high school. Do you agree or disagree?

in many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this a positive or negative development?

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children while others think it is dangerous and unhealthy. Which opinion do you agree with? Discuss both options and give examples

the importance of biodiversity is being more widely recognised as increasing numbers of species come under threat what can be done to maintain biodiversity?