IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many students now work whilst they are studying in college or university. This often results in them having less time to concentrate on their studies as well as feeling under pressure. What are some of the causes of this? What solutions could you suggest.

#students #work #whilst #college #university #results #time #studies #pressure
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is prevalent for undergraduates to allocate their
time
Use synonyms
 to both working and studying.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 hectic schedule may easily increase their academic burden and stress levels. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 and give some suggestions. Students who have multiple identities are more likely to be burdened
due to
Linking Words
 a few causes. First and foremost, the working schedule is usually inflexible and does not perfectly match the school timetable so students will have insufficient
time
Use synonyms
 for doing both of them.
For example
Linking Words
, if an individual has a part-
time
Use synonyms
 job in a convenience store, he or she has to study during the daytime, followed by working overnight. Apart from
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, allocating less
time
Use synonyms
 to revision will delay pupils’ learning progress as they do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to complete pre-lesson and post-lesson preparation.
Lastly
Linking Words
, sleep deprivation
also
Linking Words
 causes a negative impact on their health, which may severely affect their emotions.
As a result
Linking Words
, not only will they feel perplexed about their academic results, but they
also
Linking Words
 fail to establish well-being. In order to address
this
Linking Words
 problem, a few actions can be taken. It is advisable for undergraduates to understand their ability
of multitasking
Change preposition
to multitask
show examples
 clearly. If the school assignments and work tasks are not manageable for students, it is better to quit one of them and put more effort into the remaining.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is suggested to seek a part-
time
Use synonyms
 job, which is less demanding. Illustrative examples are jobs that can work remotely and have weekend shifts so it is easier to organise the timetable.
To sum up
Linking Words
, scholars,
as
Rephrase
apply
show examples
known as an employee, may suffer from insurmountable pressure because of
lacking
Wrong verb form
lack of
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 but there are still some recommended ways for them to improve
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Also
Linking Words
, I think that it mainly depends on how well their
time
Use synonyms
 management skills are.
Submitted by ariel03lee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the causes of students working while studying and suggests solutions. However, the response could be more comprehensive and provide more specific examples to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is evident with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The points are well-supported and the ideas are well-connected within and between paragraphs. The use of transitions is effective overall. However, more variety in transition words could further improve coherence and cohesion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: