Many students now work whilst they are studying in college or university. This often results in them having less time to concentrate on their studies as well as feeling under pressure. What are some of the causes of this? What solutions could you suggest.

It is prevalent for undergraduates to allocate their
time
to both working and studying.
However
,
this
hectic schedule may easily increase their academic burden and stress levels. In
this
essay, I will explain the reasons behind
this
and give some suggestions. Students who have multiple identities are more likely to be burdened
due to
a few causes. First and foremost, the working schedule is usually inflexible and does not perfectly match the school timetable so students will have insufficient
time
for doing both of them.
For example
, if an individual has a part-
time
job in a convenience store, he or she has to study during the daytime, followed by working overnight. Apart from
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, allocating less
time
to revision will delay pupils’ learning progress as they do not have enough
time
to complete pre-lesson and post-lesson preparation.
Lastly
, sleep deprivation
also
causes a negative impact on their health, which may severely affect their emotions.
As a result
, not only will they feel perplexed about their academic results, but they
also
fail to establish well-being. In order to address
this
problem, a few actions can be taken. It is advisable for undergraduates to understand their ability
of multitasking
Change preposition
to multitask
show examples
clearly. If the school assignments and work tasks are not manageable for students, it is better to quit one of them and put more effort into the remaining.
Moreover
, it is suggested to seek a part-
time
job, which is less demanding. Illustrative examples are jobs that can work remotely and have weekend shifts so it is easier to organise the timetable.
To sum up
, scholars,
as
Rephrase
apply
show examples
known as an employee, may suffer from insurmountable pressure because of
lacking
Wrong verb form
lack of
show examples
time
but there are still some recommended ways for them to improve
this
issue.
Also
, I think that it mainly depends on how well their
time
management skills are.
Submitted by ariel03lee on

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task response
The essay addresses the causes of students working while studying and suggests solutions. However, the response could be more comprehensive and provide more specific examples to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is evident with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The points are well-supported and the ideas are well-connected within and between paragraphs. The use of transitions is effective overall. However, more variety in transition words could further improve coherence and cohesion.
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