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Writing Samples /
Band 7

Teenagers should not be allowed to use mobile phones at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#teenagers #phones #school
There is an argument that cell
phones
 should not be used by
students
 in the educational institution. From my perspective,
although
 using smartphones may bring distraction, it
also
 has positive impacts on educational equality which I personally think is more important.
This
 essay aims to elaborate on the given reasons below. On the one hand, people in class may be distracted by using
phones
 to play video games or search the internet for fun. When they get bored with academic study, children are more likely to find interesting things on their mobile
phones
.
As a result
, they may fail to get an examination and get an excellent degree, which,
furthermore
, has a negative effect on their future employment as employers tend to judge interviewees from previous study performance.
However
,
this
 can be solved by implementing relevant regulations to limit rather than prohibit the use of
phones
 in class.
On the other hand
, smartphones provide an equal opportunity for
students
 to access educational resources more rapidly and unrestricted. By removing financial barriers, talented
students
 who may not afford the expensive price
to hire
Change preposition
of hiring
show examples
 a famous private teacher to train them could be freely accessible to quality learning by using a smartphone. YouTube,
for example
, provides numerous free educational resources for everyone who simply can use a phone with WIFI or 4/5G.
Therefore
, from
this
 aspect,
students
 ought to be encouraged to use
phones
 at school. In conclusion, despite the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 of using
phones
 at school, it is more important for children to have a chance of free access to educational resources.
Submitted by weil42217 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear overview of your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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