People today are spending more and more time outside of the home. What are the reasons for this trend? What effects is it having on individuals and society?
In
this
contemporary era, no one hardly likes to utilise time with family. It is believed that spending myriad hours outside the accommodation is mostly preferred by a group of individuals. Although
, several causes of Correct word choice
However
this
phenomenon are hectic schedules and the influence of peer groups which largely disturb the family relations of individuals and distract the younger generation in the community.
To begin
with, the major point of reason is the busy working life of human beings. This
is because the person who is pursuing a full-day job has to spend their valuable hours offering service as they cannot able to enjoy, hang out and talk to their family which compels them to utilize acquainted time outside for making a bright future. Moreover
, the other factor is discouragement from peer groups as these days masses believe in flaunting and are admired to visit places which show their high status rather than their own home in order to maintain an image in front of their fellow beings. For instance
, the U.S. revealed that more than 60% of locals are found in bars and restaurants with friends instead
of their houses. Therefore
, some individual has the compulsion to stay out of their accommodation but various people find discomfort in their houses which has various effects which cannot be ignored.
Furthermore
, this
trend put
a deleterious effect on human bonding. Verb problem
has
This
is because humans hardly share their worries, sufferings and not even happy moments with their family which leads them away from each other and makes their relationships worst
. Correct word choice
worse
Moreover
, it badly affects the teenagers who do not have knowledge about such
things can learn to live alone and will become introverted due to
lack of parents
attention Replace the word
parental
as a result
, this
not only maintains a deteriorating effect on the person but on society also
. For example
, as per the news headlines in Austria, millions of couples were taken
divorced from their partner Verb problem
apply
due to
a lack of mutual understanding. Thus
, it is clear that
if valuable time is not spent by folks with their co-partners, no relationship will survive.
To conclude
, undoubtedly giving sufficient hours to the family is much more significant in order to enjoy cheerful
life if the adjustable hour is not provided by the person to the family Correct article usage
a cheerful
then
it will result in loss of relations and ends terribly.Submitted by anureet370 on
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coherence cohesion
The coherence and cohesion are weak in this essay. It lacks a clear overall structure, and the ideas are not always logically connected. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more comprehensive and well-developed.
task response
The task response is inadequate. The essay does not fully address the reasons for the trend of spending time outside the home and its effects on individuals and society. The ideas need to be more clearly presented and supported with relevant examples.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.