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Band 5.5

Some people think that people should be given the right to use freshwater as they like. Others believe governments should strictly control the use of freshwater. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #right #governments #control
It is
Correct pronoun usage
Is
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 thought
by
Change preposition
apply
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some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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that
people
 should be given the right to freely
use
 fresh
water
 as they desire,
while
 others argue that the
government
 should strictly manage the way citizens
use
 it. In my perspective, I contend that both sides must have their own responsibilities, regarding the
use
 of
water
 and in
this
 passage, I will give manifold justifications why I side with the latter statement. On the one hand, there is no doubt that the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fresh
water
 for daily activities,
such
 as cleaning and cooking is a basic human necessity, thereby
people
 should be entitled to the freedom of using clean
water
.
In addition
, provided that the main industry of some nations is based on agriculture, farmers might need fresh
water
 to create crops, since
water
 is one of the most vital factors which directly lead to a fertile harvest and
therefore
 contribute to the development of a nation. Ultimately, it is
also
 evident that the
government
 might
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 the responsibility of providing enough
water
, in order to serve all the needs of its citizens.
On the other hand
, it is understandable why some supporters believe that having regulations
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 using clean
water
 by the
government
also
 play a significant role down the road. By strictly managing the way
people
use
 clean
water
, the
government
 might reduce the waste of
water
use
,
subsequently
 not only helping to protect our environment
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 preventing
water
 shortage in the near future . In fact, when citizens are given the right to utilize clean
water
 as much as they want, they might have a tendency to take it for granted and
use
 it in inappropriate ways, which can lead to drought in some particular seasons.
Furthermore
, controlling the flow of
water
use
 might help the
government
 to maintain a permanent supply of
water
 for all of the pillar industries,
such
 as agriculture and industrial sectors that require fresh
water
.
Consequently
, I believe that imposing regulations on the
use
 of freshwater might address the problem to a manageable level. In conclusion, despite the fact that
people
 have the right to have
a
Remove the article
apply
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freedom when
utilize
Wrong verb form
utilising
show examples
water
 as
that is
 our basic human
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
, I believe having regulation might be the optimal solution
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since it shall help to prevent
water
 shortage to a manageable level.
Submitted by nghiemtran2909 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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