The diagram shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane

The diagram shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane
The diagram illustrates the
sugar
-producing procedure in 7 steps, from
sugar
canes to
sugar
. The total production involves 7 steps and the four main key actions are farming, crushing, evaporating and drying.
First,
sugar
cane needed one to one and half years to grow before they are harvested. There are two different ways to collect
sugar
cane on a farm, one is cut by a farmer with a knife, and the other is collected by a professional machine.
Next,
putting proper numbers of
sugar
canes in a crushing machine, the
sugar
canes become
sugar
juice
.
Then
, a limestone filter extracts the
juice
, to make it purified. In the fifth producing section, the purified
juice
is heated in a big container with a fire under it,
in other words
, it is the step of the evaporator. After the purifying
juice
turns into syrup, the
sugar
syrup has to be centrifuged, in order to pick up the
sugar
crystals.
Finally
, the crystals-separated syrup is put in a container with holes, for cooling and drying it.
Submitted by chenoocn on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, juice with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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