The diagram shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane

The diagram shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane
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The diagram illustrates the
sugar
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-producing procedure in 7 steps, from
sugar
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canes to
sugar
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. The total production involves 7 steps and the four main key actions are farming, crushing, evaporating and drying.
First,
Linking Words
sugar
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cane needed one to one and half years to grow before they are harvested. There are two different ways to collect
sugar
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cane on a farm, one is cut by a farmer with a knife, and the other is collected by a professional machine.
Next,
Linking Words
putting proper numbers of
sugar
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canes in a crushing machine, the
sugar
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canes become
sugar
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juice
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.
Then
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, a limestone filter extracts the
juice
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, to make it purified. In the fifth producing section, the purified
juice
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is heated in a big container with a fire under it,
in other words
Linking Words
, it is the step of the evaporator. After the purifying
juice
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turns into syrup, the
sugar
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syrup has to be centrifuged, in order to pick up the
sugar
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crystals.
Finally
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, the crystals-separated syrup is put in a container with holes, for cooling and drying it.
Submitted by chenoocn on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, juice with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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