IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is certainly true that the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
number of crimes
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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committed by
adolescents
Use synonyms
 in increased. Some individuals believe that
teens
Use synonyms
 should receive
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar
punishment
Use synonyms
 as
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 regardless of age. I totally disagree with
statement
Add an article
the statement
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
punishment
Use synonyms
 can have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
negative consequences on
adolescents
Use synonyms
 in mental health
as well as
Linking Words
 future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. To being with, there are many reasons why I support the idea teenagers should not treat as
adult
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in terms of
punishment
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, adolescenthood is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 crucial stage for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 stage the brain in
phase
Add an article
the phase
a phase
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 of development, which means
punish
Wrong verb form
punishing
show examples
teens
Use synonyms
 in
stage
Add an article
a stage
the stage
show examples
 can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the growth of
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
show examples
 can make
teens
Use synonyms
 are more likely to develop mental issues
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 trauma, loss
confidence
Change preposition
of confidence
show examples
, introvert, which may
be motivate
Change the verb form
motivate
show examples
 them to drink too much
alcohole
Correct your spelling
alcohol
 or engaging in
illgeal
Correct your spelling
illegal
 behaviour.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
punish
Wrong verb form
punishing
show examples
teens
Use synonyms
 as
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 rate of crime
instead
Linking Words
 of
minimize
Wrong verb form
minimising
show examples
 it.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescents
Use synonyms
 receive
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar
punishment
Use synonyms
 as
Use synonyms
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can have a detrimental impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teens
Use synonyms
 receive prison
sentence
Fix the agreement mistake
sentences
show examples
 as
adult
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
, when they release face difficulties to find
a jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a job
jobs
show examples
,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
because most jobs require
people
Use synonyms
 without criminal
record
Fix the agreement mistake
records
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
teens
Use synonyms
 will struggle with poverty and
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 they re-reoffending. In conclusion, I am against
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
adolescents
Use synonyms
 should
recvice
Correct your spelling
receive
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
punishment
Use synonyms
 as
adult
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to negative impacts on teenagers including, mental health,
professional
Correct word choice
and professional
show examples
 life.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile delinquency
  • criminal behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • adolescent development
  • retribution
  • impulse control
  • the justice system
  • societal influences
  • environmental factors
  • juvenile justice
  • punitive measures
  • adult incarceration
  • youth crime
  • reformative programs
  • deterrence
  • mitigating circumstances
  • restorative justice
  • correctional facilities
  • peer pressure
What to do next:
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