In some societies, the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is certainly true that the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
number of crimes
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
committed by
adolescents
in increased. Some individuals believe that
teens
should receive
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
similar
punishment
as
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
regardless of age. I totally disagree with
statement
Add an article
the statement
show examples
,
this
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
punishment
can have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
negative consequences on
adolescents
in mental health
as well as
future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. To being with, there are many reasons why I support the idea teenagers should not treat as
adult
people
in terms of
punishment
.
Firstly
, adolescenthood is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
crucial stage for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
In other words
, in
this
stage the brain in
phase
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the phase
a phase
show examples
of development, which means
punish
Wrong verb form
punishing
show examples
teens
in
stage
Add an article
a stage
the stage
show examples
can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
the growth of
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
show examples
can make
teens
are more likely to develop mental issues
such
as
,
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apply
show examples
trauma, loss
confidence
Change preposition
of confidence
show examples
, introvert, which may
be motivate
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motivate
show examples
them to drink too much
alcohole
Correct your spelling
alcohol
or engaging in
illgeal
Correct your spelling
illegal
behaviour.
Therefore
,
punish
Wrong verb form
punishing
show examples
teens
as
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
people
can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
rate of crime
instead
of
minimize
Wrong verb form
minimising
show examples
it.
Secondly
, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adolescents
receive
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
similar
punishment
as
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
people
can have a detrimental impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their future
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
For example
, If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teens
receive prison
sentence
Fix the agreement mistake
sentences
show examples
as
adult
people
, when they release face difficulties to find
a jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a job
jobs
show examples
,
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
because most jobs require
people
without criminal
record
Fix the agreement mistake
records
show examples
.
As a result
,
teens
will struggle with poverty and
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
they re-reoffending. In conclusion, I am against
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
adolescents
should
recvice
Correct your spelling
receive
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
punishment
as
adult
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
this
can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
to negative impacts on teenagers including, mental health,
professional
Correct word choice
and professional
show examples
life.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile delinquency
  • criminal behavior
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • adolescent development
  • retribution
  • impulse control
  • the justice system
  • societal influences
  • environmental factors
  • juvenile justice
  • punitive measures
  • adult incarceration
  • youth crime
  • reformative programs
  • deterrence
  • mitigating circumstances
  • restorative justice
  • correctional facilities
  • peer pressure
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