Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Sometimes
people
argued that at
this
time, influencers and celebrities are being recognized because of their beauty and
also
luxurious affluent lifestyle,
moreover
,
this
condition will influence young
people
in
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
direction.
Personally
Add a comma
,Personally
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I
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
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this
argument,
however
, there is
also
famous
Add an article
the famous
a famous
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person who accomplished their popularity by doing hard work and endurance. In
this
essay, I will explain
further
. On the one hand, It is true that many
people
achieve fame without effort and diligence.
For instance
, it can be being born from
famous
Add an article
a famous
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rich family, married
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
billionaire
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a billionaire
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or popular person and appeared some TV shows. A good example would be
Kardashian
Correct article usage
the Kardashian
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family, which none of the
member
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members
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of
this
family have any talent
and
Correct word choice
or
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history of hardworking, after participating
reality
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in reality
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TV series, they became well known.
Furthermore
, they are normalizing cosmetic surgeries,
such
as breast, butt and lip augmentation, chin removal and lip unstable relationships to teenagers.
As a result
,
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
of
people
are becoming
victim
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victims
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of plastic surgeries and money.
On the other hand
, there are some celebrities
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
obtain their
honor
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honour
show examples
from many
attempt
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attempts
show examples
and sleepless days. Actors, singers, artists and
sport
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sports
show examples
players are popular because of their endurance and dedicated actions,
as a result
, they make themself as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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excellent role
model
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models
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in
Change preposition
for
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youngsters. To be exact, Jackie Chan is
great
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a great
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actor and Oscar winner who truly did amazing jobs
through
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over
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many years, what is more, in the
beginning
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,beginning
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he even does not know English.
To conclude
, it is best that young adults choose their
exampler
Correct your spelling
example
examples
based on their way of achieving popularity. From my point of view,
since
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there
is
Change the verb form
are
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people
who easily obtained their
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
while
others are
tried
Wrong verb form
trying
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hard.
Submitted by llbayarmaa on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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