Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people

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Sometimes

people

Use synonyms

argued that at

this

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time, influencers and celebrities are being recognized because of their beauty and

also

Linking Words

luxurious affluent lifestyle,

moreover

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this

Linking Words

condition will influence young

people

Use synonyms

wrong

Change the article

the wrong

show examples

direction.

Personally

Add a comma

,Personally

show examples

agree

Add the preposition

onagree

toagree

withagree

show examples

this

Linking Words

argument,

however

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, there is

also

Linking Words

famous

Add an article

the famous

a famous

show examples

person who accomplished their popularity by doing hard work and endurance. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will explain

further

Linking Words

. On the one hand, It is true that many

people

Use synonyms

achieve fame without effort and diligence.

For instance

Linking Words

, it can be being born from

famous

Add an article

a famous

show examples

rich family, married

with

Change preposition

show examples

billionaire

Add an article

a billionaire

show examples

or popular person and appeared some TV shows. A good example would be

Kardashian

Correct article usage

the Kardashian

show examples

family, which none of the

member

Change to a plural noun

members

show examples

this

Linking Words

family have any talent

and

Correct word choice

show examples

history of hardworking, after participating

reality

Change preposition

in reality

show examples

TV series, they became well known.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, they are normalizing cosmetic surgeries,

such

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as breast, butt and lip augmentation, chin removal and lip unstable relationships to teenagers.

As a result

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lot

Correct article usage

a lot

show examples

people

Use synonyms

are becoming

victim

Fix the agreement mistake

victims

show examples

of plastic surgeries and money.

On the other hand

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, there are some celebrities

which

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

obtain their

honor

Change the spelling

honour

show examples

from many

attempt

Fix the agreement mistake

attempts

show examples

and sleepless days. Actors, singers, artists and

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

players are popular because of their endurance and dedicated actions,

as a result

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, they make themself as

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

excellent role

model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

youngsters. To be exact, Jackie Chan is

great

Add an article

a great

show examples

actor and Oscar winner who truly did amazing jobs

through

Change preposition

over

show examples

many years, what is more, in the

beginning

Add the comma(s)

,beginning

show examples

he even does not know English.

To conclude

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, it is best that young adults choose their

exampler

Correct your spelling

example

examples

based on their way of achieving popularity. From my point of view,

since

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

there

Change the verb form

are

show examples

people

Use synonyms

who easily obtained their

honor

Change the spelling

honour

show examples

while

Linking Words

others are

tried

Wrong verb form

trying

show examples

hard.

Submitted by llbayarmaa on Sun Jun 04 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

278 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

glamour
wealth
achievements
portrayed
overshadow
influenced
lifestyles
unrealistic
expectations
values
promoting
hard work
perseverance
inspire
positive impact

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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behaviour? Discuss the reasons and possible results.

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public trasnport systems such as railways and trams. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

15. You’re interested in a music course that you saw on an advertisement. Write a letter to the club. In your letter, you should: - explain why you’re interested - request more information about the course - talk about your past experiences.

There is more and more outrage and anger common in society today. Why is this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

It is often said that governments spend too much money on wild life protection, while others say that there are other problems that are more important? do you agree or disagree?