IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#attention #prevalence #media
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Nowadays, most people argue that usage of internet platforms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 caused to reduce
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
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 focus is
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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. I
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
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totally
opponent
Replace the word
oppose
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 that argument because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of Medias are mainly pay attention for keep their users with them as much as possible.
Hence
Linking Words
 they continuously
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 research regarding customer safety and
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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 prompt actions.
In
Change preposition
On
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other
Correct article usage
the other
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hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 subjective
apps
Use synonyms
 only provide visual and auditory stimulants. There
are
Change the verb form
is
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 no available evidence about those stimulants
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 person’s mental ability. First
upon
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, Social app companies always try to increase their subscribers
therefore
Linking Words
 they upgrade their algorithms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 basis. These updates mainly focus on, how to keep users with them. As
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
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of
Change preposition
apply
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that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 screen time of the people who
using
Change the form of the verb
use
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Linking Words
this
Change the determiner
this app
these apps
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apps
Use synonyms
 considerably
increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
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 day by day.
While
Linking Words
 earning
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount of profit they
also
Linking Words
 consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
customers
Change to a genitive case
customer's
customers'
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 safety too. It is impossible that claim
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mental harm because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies
not
Add a missing verb
do not
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 allow that kind of
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its leads to reduce profit and their existence.
Secondly
Linking Words
, these technologies mainly produce sound and pictures. Other media like television
also
Linking Words
 provide
such
Linking Words
 kind of stimulant but there is no scientifically proven evidence about TV
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 caused to reduce
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
show examples
 attention time.
Therefore
Linking Words
 it is kind of a famous myth which is
using
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
usege
Correct your spelling
usage
use
 of social
apps
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, many people say that smart
apps
Use synonyms
 like
facebook
Correct your spelling
Facebook
show examples
,
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
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 and
twiter
Correct your spelling
twitter
 are
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on users by reducing their focusing ability. But I believe that multibillionaire companies which are owning
this
Linking Words
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 allow to happen that and
also
Linking Words
 there is no proven evidence
its
Change preposition
of its
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 occurrence.
Submitted by priyanthaj309 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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