IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Society is based on rules and laws. If individuals were free to do whatever they want to do, it could not function. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?

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It is sometimes argued that our
society
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 is operated by
laws
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 and
rules
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, if inhabitants do what they desire to do, our
society
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 could not be functional. In my viewpoint, I partly agree with
this
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 argument for several reasons below. Many individuals fear that without publishing
rules
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 and
laws
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, our
society
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 would be
into
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in
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 chaos,
nobody
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and nobody
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follows
Wrong verb form
would follow
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rules
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 which
leads
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would lead
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 to an increase in the crime rate. Policymakers establish
laws
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 that allow us to do legal activities and set up boundaries that we must behave standardly and in peace.
For example
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,
laws
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 ban
people
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 who destroy forests that lead to deforestation occurred in many countries, and encourage us to plant more trees. Regulations in many fields could protect us from crimes, conserve our environment and avoid illegal activities from the criminal. Without setting
laws
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,
people
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 could do everything
that is
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 crucial for them and gain more profit,
thus
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, our
society
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 may not operate functionally and become into chaos.
However
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, there are many
laws
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 nowadays that are published too complex and make
difficult
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it difficult
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 for
people
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. Most
laws
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 and
rules
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 benefit a minority of
people
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, especially the influent,
instead
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 of
good
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apply
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impacting all social classes.
For instance
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,
laws
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 allow us to pay income taxes but there are no
laws
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 that ban us from fleeing taxes through volunteering funds and sending money abroad that the rich usually do to flee a massive amount of taxes that they need to pay.
As a result
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, the gap between the rich and the poor would widen bigger and bigger.
Thus
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,
laws
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 need to
update
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be updated
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 to shelter the interests of all kinds of
people
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 and bring an equal
society
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. In conclusion, I concur that
rules
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 and
laws
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 allow us to do legal activities that bring us a functional
society
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,
nevertheless
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, there are some
laws
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 that influent adversely to a huge group of
people
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 that policymakers need to reconsider to bring benefits for all individuals.

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt by presenting both agreement and disagreement, but the focus and development of ideas are not sufficiently clear. Make sure to fully address the prompt and provide a clear stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure with an introduction and conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes unclear and the examples lack development and relevance. Work on organizing the ideas in a clear and cohesive manner, and provide more relevant and well-developed examples to support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social order
  • harmonious
  • individual freedoms
  • societal norms
  • unrestricted freedom
  • crime rates
  • dysfunctional
  • fair distribution
  • human rights
  • justice system
  • accountability
  • enforcing laws
  • restrictive regulations
  • societal functionality
  • legal frameworks
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