IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Society is based on rules and laws. If individuals were free to do whatever they want to do, it could not function. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?

#society #rules #laws #individuals #function
It is sometimes argued that our
society
 is operated by
laws
 and
rules
, if inhabitants do what they desire to do, our
society
 could not be functional. In my viewpoint, I partly agree with
this
 argument for several reasons below. Many individuals fear that without publishing
rules
 and
laws
, our
society
 would be
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 chaos,
nobody
Correct word choice
and nobody
show examples
follows
Wrong verb form
would follow
show examples
rules
 which
leads
Wrong verb form
would lead
show examples
 to an increase in the crime rate. Policymakers establish
laws
 that allow us to do legal activities and set up boundaries that we must behave standardly and in peace.
For example
,
laws
 ban
people
 who destroy forests that lead to deforestation occurred in many countries, and encourage us to plant more trees. Regulations in many fields could protect us from crimes, conserve our environment and avoid illegal activities from the criminal. Without setting
laws
,
people
 could do everything
that is
 crucial for them and gain more profit,
thus
, our
society
 may not operate functionally and become into chaos.
However
, there are many
laws
 nowadays that are published too complex and make
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
show examples
 for
people
. Most
laws
 and
rules
 benefit a minority of
people
, especially the influent,
instead
 of
good
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
impacting all social classes.
For instance
,
laws
 allow us to pay income taxes but there are no
laws
 that ban us from fleeing taxes through volunteering funds and sending money abroad that the rich usually do to flee a massive amount of taxes that they need to pay.
As a result
, the gap between the rich and the poor would widen bigger and bigger.
Thus
,
laws
 need to
update
Wrong verb form
be updated
show examples
 to shelter the interests of all kinds of
people
 and bring an equal
society
. In conclusion, I concur that
rules
 and
laws
 allow us to do legal activities that bring us a functional
society
,
nevertheless
, there are some
laws
 that influent adversely to a huge group of
people
 that policymakers need to reconsider to bring benefits for all individuals.
Submitted by thanhvinhdoi338 on

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt by presenting both agreement and disagreement, but the focus and development of ideas are not sufficiently clear. Make sure to fully address the prompt and provide a clear stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure with an introduction and conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes unclear and the examples lack development and relevance. Work on organizing the ideas in a clear and cohesive manner, and provide more relevant and well-developed examples to support your points.
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