Nowadays , many people are spending less and less time at home , What are the causes of it? What are the effects of this on individuals as well as on the society?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often argued that with the evolution of orthodox family values,
people
Use synonyms
tend to spend way less time with their loved ones than they used to in the past.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
essay will highlight the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
change and how it is impacting our personal and communal
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. The main reason behind folks not engaging enough with their families is a change in work-
life
Use synonyms
balance, earlier companies used to focus on maintaining
this
Linking Words
balance but now they care less about it and emphasize more on getting the tasks done, whether it involves putting in extra hours,
as a result
Linking Words
, personal lives are compromised.
Moreover
Linking Words
, employers are happy to pay for increased time,
this
Linking Words
is the reason it does not bother workers to put in these hours and,
consequently
Linking Words
, they have driven away from their houses and ,eventually they start liking to spend more time outside the house themselves, as they no longer have the same level of involvement in the family affairs because they have made their own world, which just involves their job and the
people
Use synonyms
they work with.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
system
in creating
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
an imbalance in family
life
Use synonyms
and affects marriages as well.
For instance
Linking Words
, research conducted at Harvard University suggests that in the
last
Linking Words
decade, the divorce rate has potentially
rose
Replace the word
risen
show examples
,
as a result
Linking Words
of the increase in pressure from offices.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
are not able to cope with work-related frustration, and it is damaging them personally.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, another outcome which is being reported is that
this
Linking Words
state of isolation refrains
people
Use synonyms
from getting involved with community members are well,
as a result
Linking Words
, the social and communal ties are debilitating these days.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the more the distance from domestic
life
Use synonyms
and the ones who care for you, it is only going to make lives harder than ever.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the key should be to make an effort to strive for a perfect equilibrium in every aspect of
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by z.ghadia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the reasons behind the change in spending less time at home and its impact on individuals and society. However, the coverage of ideas is not comprehensive and lacks clarity in some parts.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is moderately effective. The introduction and conclusion are clear, but some ideas are not well-connected, affecting the overall coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: