IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important that treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
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The
health
Use synonyms
 sector
is play
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
 a critical role in our life. Some
people
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 believe that the
prevention
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 of
health
Use synonyms
 issues is more important than medicine. Even though the
prevention
Use synonyms
 of some diseases would reduce the
overall
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 cost of the medication. I totally disagree that
prevention
Use synonyms
 is more crucial than medicine. In the following, I will deliberate more impressive examples that draw attention to how much medication is more important and the
prevention
Use synonyms
 of illness does not work well. First,some diseases ,still until now, we can not counter the real reasons for it.
For example
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,the are tremendous reasons for cancer and indeed there are different types of cancer.
People
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 who suffer from
this
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 critical problem should receive intensive amounts of treatment and support. In
this
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 case, the treatment could reduce the harmful sequences of the cancer given that we could do anything to prevent it.
Secondly
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,there are sudden
health
Use synonyms
 issues
such
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 as
accidents
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 or disasters. These unexpected
situations
Use synonyms
 cause several great
health
Use synonyms
 issues.
For instance
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, how we can prevent someone from
make
Verb problem
having
show examples
 car
accidents
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.
Enevthough
Correct your spelling
However
,
people
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 try their best
to did
Verb problem
apply
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not to
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
accidents
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. Actually, there are several car
accidents
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 that
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
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 every day. I believe for these emergency
situations
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, medication is more helpful.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should consider these harsh
situations
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 and allocate huge funds to
such
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 emergency
situations
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 to save the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 of the
people
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.
To sum up
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, even though the avoidance of illness is better in some cases, but
however
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 there are illnesses with unknown reasons
as well as
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 non-expected illnesses. I totally
degree
Correct your spelling
agree
show examples
 that treatment is always better than avoidance.
Submitted by fmalquran112 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical order. Use transition words to connect ideas.
task response
Address the prompt fully by discussing both sides of the argument and providing relevant examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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