IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

with growing population in cities , more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it positive or negative development.

#population #cities #people #home #areas #development
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Nowadays, an increasing number of people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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urban areas are residing in an apartment with small and no outdoor arena. In my opinion, I certainly believe that
this
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 trend is a negative development for a few reasons. The first reason is the lack of physical and social activities.
This
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 is because if there is no adequate
space
Use synonyms
 or no
space
Use synonyms
 at all in homes that would deprive families from engaging in
get togethers
Add a hyphen
get-togethers
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 on a fresh spot.
For instance
Linking Words
, African fathers enjoy playing football as their leisure
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
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 or narration
of
Change preposition
apply
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folktales to their children at night. Not only
this
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 effect will make the family bond weaker, but
also
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 break community practice in
local
Add an article
the local
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 community. Another reason why
this
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 is a negative development is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 lack of
space
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 to practice farming. To be more precise, some people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society plant and harvest vegetables and some other fruits in their
garden
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gardens
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 as their source of income . To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, around
last
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 year I planted grains
at
Change preposition
in
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 the backyard of my home which I later made a lot of money out of
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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by selling to the marketers.
As a result
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, when there
no
Add a missing verb
is no
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space
Use synonyms
 in one’s home, it will affect most of the individuals that rely on farming as their means of making money.
In addition
Linking Words
, unable to do outdoor activities it can
also
Linking Words
leads
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lead
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 to obesity among individuals. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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view of the fact that no
space
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
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 some active tasks like gardening and running around.
As a result
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, they will become obese because of the consumption of too much
of
Change preposition
apply
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food without regular exercise. In conclusion, inadequate
of
Change preposition
apply
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space
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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urban areas can lead
obesity
Change preposition
to obesity
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 and
also
Linking Words
 some individuals to sustain their daily needs.
For
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this
Linking Words
 reason, one should balance and consider the advantages and disadvantages of living in a small home
Submitted by pauly837 on

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