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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#attention #prevalence #media
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It is believed that most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people have lost their concentration
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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due to
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 the media.
These
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This
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 essay totally agrees with
this
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 statement, because people cannot use their time wisely and they are getting used to
watch
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watching
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 only short
videos
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, what individuals do because of the internet, is
procrastination
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procrastinate
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of
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on
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 their main duties which requires
a
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apply
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good attention.
For instance
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,
mostly
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most
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 students after school prefer sitting on social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
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 like Instagram, YouTube or TikTok and chatting with friends, watching hundreds of
videos
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 which take
plethora
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a plethora
the plethora
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 of time.
Thus
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, they delay their school assignments and get distracted. The main reason for
that is
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, many do not set time management or plan their day and follow it. It may have some detrimental
consequents
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consequences
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such
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 as poor performance at work or school.
Secondly
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, long
videos
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has
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have
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 become something irritating and tedious.
Moreover
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, for
some
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,some
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 it is hard to focus longer than one hour on anything. Even they try to skip some moments on video. Why they tend to watch only short
videos
Use synonyms
 is
on
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apply
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media there are just one-two minute recordings are shown,
hence
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, people adapted it. Sometimes they watch it
while
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 they are doing house chores or cooking, yet they do not mentally pay much attention to it.
To conclude
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, from the aforementioned arguments, I am convinced that we are facing more and more disadvantages of social networks like losing the ability
of
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to
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 concentrate on a particular activity in life. So, we have to deal with it in order to avoid possible negative repercussions
,
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apply
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 and try to prolong the attention span.
Submitted by berikkozha.eren on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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