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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child's development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #parents #role #child #development #television #friends #influence
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There are a group of people who say that
parents
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 are the most influential thing in a child's development.
On the other hand
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, some people argue that their environment
such
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 as friends and television, is playing a more important role. In my ,opinion
parents
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 are key in the personality development of any person. The first thing to consider is that
parents
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 can make punishments and not allow some sort of thing. To illustrate, if the child is using his gadgets too much, it is possible that his mother will take his smartphone or laptop away, and make him walk outside. Another example is when the father is interested in boxing. And he makes his son go to the boxing club.
Consequently
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, kids are always facing barriers or motivation to do something from their
parents
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.
However
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, children can not always be with their mothers and fathers. So they can change their behaviour depending on their friends or the TV shows that they watch.
In other words
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, after watching interviews with Cristiano Ronaldo, they may start to go to the soccer club. Or if their best friends are very interested in reading books, they will always engage each other in doing their interests. They are always sharing their hobbies and games with people they are spending most of their free time with.
As a result
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, children will always copy what others are doing. In conclusion,
parents
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 are very important in a person's development. They can decide what to do
instead
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 of their son or daughter. But a child's environment can
also
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 make some changes in his mind.
Submitted by muharodnoy on

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task response
The essay addresses both views and provides a personal opinion, but the task response can be improved by developing the argumentation further.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and effective introduction and conclusion. It is essential to ensure that these elements are clearly presented to give the essay a coherent structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • primary educators
  • role models
  • emotional support
  • psychological development
  • expose to new ideas
  • broaden horizons
  • social skills
  • sense of belonging
  • identity formation
  • regulate content
  • mitigating potential negative impacts
  • important life skills
  • negotiation
  • empathy
  • conflict resolution
  • quality of the relationship
  • lasting impact
  • self-esteem
  • mental health
  • educational programs
  • supplement school education
  • additional learning opportunities
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