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Writing Samples
Band 4

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is no doubt that the majority of the
people
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 already
forgot
Wrong verb form
forgotten
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 the original values of the religious
festivals
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 and prefer to enjoy them in their own ways
instead
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 of celebrating them traditionally. I would argue that they are doing it
due to
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 busier schedules from work and authorities limiting the timing and resources to celebrate some famous
festivals
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. To commence with the views of disagreement that few humans are still connected with their ground traditions and perform the
festivals
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according to
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 their religious norms.
In other words
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,
people
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 wait eagerly for the festival and
while
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 celebrating it, they
use to
Verb problem
apply
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tell their children about how
this
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 particular festival started and reasons to celebrate it.
Consequently
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, believe
to pass
Change preposition
in passing
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 religious beliefs from one generation to
next
Correct article usage
the next
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However
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, in
this
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 modern world, individuals are becoming so busy that they hardly get
time
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 for themselves resulting
to ignore
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in ignoring
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 the importance of
festivals
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. They are working five or six days a week, leaving less
time
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 to spend with friends and family. In order to go for the outings, they use festival holidays as a bonus and go outside for
get together
Correct your spelling
get-togethers
.
For instance
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, a state survey has found that on the holiday of the Lohri festival in Punjab, 9 out of 10 individuals prefer to go shopping
instead
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 of celebrating it at home.
Thus
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, being disconnected from the religious meaning of tradition.
Further
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 strengthening the view, the Government has imposed limitations on the
time
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 and resources to celebrate some huge
festivals
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due to
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 which
people
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 are losing interest
to celebrate
Change preposition
in celebrating
show examples
 them. Diwali is a very famous festival in India. Being a festival of lights and sweets,
people
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 use to explode crackers and distribute sweets among friends and relatives. But the Government has limited the
time
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 to celebrate it from 6 p.mto 8 p.m and
also
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 banned the formation of crackers in order to save the environment from pollution which led the
people
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 to lose interest
to celebrate
Change preposition
in celebrating
show examples
 it. In conclusion, despite some
people
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 managing to celebrate traditional
festivals
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 following norms and beliefs, most of them prefer to go for small trips on holidays to enjoy themselves
instead
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 of celebrating at home.

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task achievement
Ensure to address all parts of the task question in the response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and well-structured argument. Work on organizing the ideas in a coherent and cohesive manner.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
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