IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

With the development of technology, children are now living in a world that is different to what it was 50 years ago. What problems does this situation cause for society and family ?

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Nowadays, the controversial topic of how
technology
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 has transformed our lives in the past decades has captured our attention more than ever. Despite the numerous benefits that advanced
technology
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 has brought, its detrimental
impats
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impacts
impact
 on
children
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 are increasingly uncontrollable.
This
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 essay aims to discuss the dependency on
technology
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 and its influence on
children
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's
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lifestyles
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lifestyle
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lifestyles
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 in the modern age. One of the main problems is the excessive reliance on
technology
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. Compared with five decades ago, since
technology
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 has been intertwined in many aspects of life,
children
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 can be highly unproductive without assistance from
technology
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. All intellectual abilities
such
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 as abstraction, creativity, and critical thinking have been depleted by the dependence on tools like Google or ChatGPT.
Consequently
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, these
children
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 are helpless in their later life when they must face difficulties. Another significant problem that needs shedding light on is
technology
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's interference in
children
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's social and physical development, which is a pressing phenomenon.
Instead
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 of playing on the ground, unlike their parents did in the past,
children
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 now are surrounded by various kinds of entertainment equipment
such
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 as
iPad
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iPads
, game consoles, and computers.
This
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 easy-to-access
technology
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 influences them to be comfortable with a sedentary lifestyle.
As a result
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, it erodes their social life and,
consequently
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, their physical well-being. In conclusion, today's
adolescence
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adolescents
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, who are encircled by
technology
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,
are lacking
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lack
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 the ability to stand on their own. Depending on
technology
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 diminishes their social connections and weakens them physically.
Therefore
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, we need a holistic solution to rescue our
children
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 from these negative effects.
This
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 is not only for them but
also
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 for the next generation.

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General feedback
The essay addresses the impact of technology on children's lives, outlining the problems such as excessive reliance, interference in social and physical development, and the need for a holistic solution. The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, providing a logical structure to the essay. The main points are supported with relevant examples, demonstrating a good level of coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the prompt and provides comprehensive ideas. Provide clearer examples and specific details to support the main points. Make sure to present a complete response to the question to achieve a higher score in task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally good, with a clear introduction and conclusion. Work on providing a more comprehensive and organized development of ideas. Utilize cohesive devices and linking words to enhance coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
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