IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
language
Use synonyms
 learning. It is undeniable that
language
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 has become an essential part of our daily life.
However
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, there is no absolute agreement as some people believe it is better for
children
Use synonyms
to begin
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 learning a foreign
language
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 at primary school rather than secondary school,
whereas
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 others consider everything the opposite. Surely, there are both pros and cons to knowing a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 but I believe
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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. One of the main positives of early learning is that
children
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 are able to absorb information better than adults.
Hence
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, by learning a new
language
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individual
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individuals
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 can have more
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 in all aspects of life. Another advantage is that
language
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 comes with a myriad of benefits. To start with, at
work
Add a comma
work,
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 an employee who
know
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knows
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 a
language
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 is a step ahead in comparison with an employee who
do
Change the verb form
does
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 not know.
Furthermore
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, a foreign
language
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 provides an opportunity in academic
as well as
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 in personal life. Turning to the other side of the agreement,
children
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 could get exhausted in the process of learning a
language
Use synonyms
 since a foreign
language
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is like a mysterious book which seems tough to open
the
Change preposition
on the
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 first page.
Language
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have
Change the verb form
has
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a
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apply
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plenty of grammar rules
as well as
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 speaking rules.
This
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 can create
a
Remove the article
apply
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stress
to
Change preposition
in
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 student’s
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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consequently
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 it can lead to health, mental, and physical problems. In primary
school
Add a comma
school,
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children
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 start learning their mother
language
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 for the first time. A foreign
language
Use synonyms
 can double the problem. Having outweighed both benefits and drawbacks I can conclude
this
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 essay by agreeing that a foreign
language
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 offers better job and academic opportunities, at the beginning learning a
language
Use synonyms
 can seem hard and almost impossible, but the result would not disappoint anyone.
In other words
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, perspectives of people definitely change after learning a
language
Use synonyms
 and it broadens a person’s horizon to another level.

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coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Currently, the essay can benefit from clearer topic sentences and more explicit links between ideas.
task achievement
Ensure all points are well-supported with specific examples. This essay could be enhanced by providing concrete evidence or examples in support of the main points.
task achievement
Enhance comprehensive ideas by elaborating on points more thoroughly. Some points feel underdeveloped and need further explanation.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and syntax. Try to minimize small grammatical errors, like subject-verb agreement, which can be distracting.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets up the essay well, outlining the debate and stating a clear position.
introduction conclusion present
The essay concludes effectively, summarizing the main arguments and reaffirming the position that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
logical structure
The main points are relevant and are generally well-organized. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • pronunciation
  • self-conscious
  • cultural awareness
  • global society
  • proficiency levels
  • competitive job market
  • foundational skills
  • qualified teachers
  • recreational activities
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