IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that it is a good thing for senior management positions to have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #management #positions #salaries #workers #company
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It is often said that the salaries in each position should vary depending on the position, with senior
management
Use synonyms
 roles deserving higher pay. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because of their increased workloads and greater responsibilities. First and foremost, senior
management
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 job titles are the highest
positions
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 within an organisation. Achieving
this
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 role is not easy, and hard work alone is not sufficient. Individuals should have extensive experience, gain in-depth knowledge about the
company
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, and possess not only technical skills but
also
Linking Words
 strong leadership abilities.
For instance
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, an employee promoted to Chief Technology Officer after nearly ten years of service carries additional workloads,
such
Linking Words
 as leading their team and collaborating with other departments. They usually work overtime to ensure all tasks are completed.
This
Linking Words
 dedication to their
company
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 should be rewarded with increased earnings.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these senior executive are key to a
company
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's success
due to
Linking Words
 their greater responsibilities.
For example
Linking Words
, senior leaders determine the long-term goals of the business and make sure the organisation is advancing towards achieving them. When a
company
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 faces challenges, the first
positions
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 that should be responsible are those who are in senior
management
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positions
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. In
such
Linking Words
 cases, they must manage broad responsibilities, remain focused, and minimise mistakes.
As a result
Linking Words
, companies should guarantee their salaries reflect the significant burden of responsibility they carry. In conclusion, paying senior
management
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positions
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 higher salaries than other employees is an appropriate decision, considering their crucial role in the
company
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 as they are one of the spears of a
company
Use synonyms
's success.
Submitted by nineband9s on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the opposing viewpoint to provide a more balanced discussion. This will strengthen the argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate more transitional phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between paragraphs. This will improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
overall
Be cautious with minor grammatical errors and word choice to polish the essay. While they don't significantly impact the score, addressing them will improve clarity.
task achievement
The essay provides clear and comprehensive ideas, addressing the topic effectively with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well-supported with adequate examples, enhancing the argumentative strength of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, outlining the main argument and effectively summarizing the points discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Senior management
  • Salary disparity
  • Incentives
  • Income inequality
  • Organizational culture
  • Career progression
  • Employee morale
  • Compensation
  • Financial success
  • Decision-making
  • Responsibility
  • Merit
What to do next:
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