Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Is it true that some people are in
favor
of strict Change the spelling
favour
sanctions
for driving offenses
,unlike others who think there are other better solutions that can be more effective, to keep the road a safer placeChange the spelling
offences
.
I believe that strict measures are the solution which can work the best.
Change the punctuation
?
To begin
with, on the one hand
some people would prefer the idea of different measures. There are other alternatives, depending on what the infraction is done. It is not acceptable to be arrested for a little infraction Add a comma
hand,
done
and have a big sanction. Unnecessary verb
apply
For example
, recently a friend of mine continued to drive when the fire was red for a few seconds,
before he turned green and he had to pay a big fine. in my opinion, it is not proportionate to the driving Remove the comma
apply
offense
a solution “softer” could be an oral warning
Change the spelling
offence
On the other hand
, although
a lot of individuals are in favor of other punishments more effective improving
road safety, others think that the police should maintain strict Change preposition
in improving
sanctions
for every driving offense. This
can be more just for everyone without making exceptions, additionally
to
Change preposition
apply
Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
it can be a prevention for accidents which influence people to be more vigilant. a good example to illustrate Add a comma
this,
this
is a conductor who didn't respect the speed limit and have
Wrong verb form
had
a
accident because he didn't Change the article
an
had
strict Change the verb form
have
sanctions
to warn him
in conclusion, even if many persons are in favor to
Change preposition
of
others
measures and solutions to stop Correct quantifier usage
other
the
Correct article usage
apply
traffics
accidents and improve safety, Correct subject-verb agreement
traffic
automobiles
accidents are more common when the Fix the agreement mistake
automobile
sanctions
are not strict and radicalsSubmitted by santos_dij on
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task achievement
Your essay tends to address the task only partially. You did attempt to discuss both viewpoints, which is a good start, but you fell short of developing your arguments thoroughly. Your conclusion summarises your opinion, however, it is not entirely clear how you compare the significance of each viewpoint. A higher score demands a balanced discussion of both views and a reasoned conclusion derived from the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is somewhat apparent, as there is an attempt to organize ideas using paragraphs. However, transitions between ideas are abrupt, and the overall flow can be improved by using a range of linking words and cohesive devices. Paragraphs should have clear topic sentences, and ideas should be developed in a logical sequence.
coherence cohesion
Main points are present but need better support. Supporting statements should include specific examples and explanations to illustrate your points clearly. Facts, statistics, or real-life examples can enhance the quality and persuasiveness of your argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite