Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Is it true that some people are in
favor
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favour
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of strict
sanctions
Use synonyms
for driving
offenses
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offences
show examples
,unlike others who think there are other better solutions that can be more effective, to keep the road a safer place
.
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?
show examples
I believe that strict measures are the solution which can work the best.
To begin
Linking Words
with, on the one
hand
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hand,
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some people would prefer the idea of different measures. There are other alternatives, depending on what the infraction is done. It is not acceptable to be arrested for a little infraction
done
Unnecessary verb
apply
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and have a big sanction.
For example
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, recently a friend of mine continued to drive when the fire was red for a few seconds
,
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apply
show examples
before he turned green and he had to pay a big fine. in my opinion, it is not proportionate to the driving
offense
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offence
show examples
a solution “softer” could be an oral warning
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
a lot of individuals are in favor of other punishments more effective
improving
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in improving
show examples
road safety, others think that the police should maintain strict
sanctions
Use synonyms
for every driving offense.
This
Linking Words
can be more just for everyone without making exceptions,
additionally
Linking Words
to
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apply
show examples
Linking Words
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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this
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this,
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it can be a prevention for accidents which influence people to be more vigilant. a good example to illustrate
this
Linking Words
is a conductor who didn't respect the speed limit and
have
Wrong verb form
had
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a
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an
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accident because he didn't
had
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have
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strict
sanctions
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to warn him in conclusion, even if many persons are in favor
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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measures and solutions to stop
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traffics
Correct subject-verb agreement
traffic
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accidents and improve safety,
automobiles
Fix the agreement mistake
automobile
show examples
accidents are more common when the
sanctions
Use synonyms
are not strict and radicals
Submitted by santos_dij on

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task achievement
Your essay tends to address the task only partially. You did attempt to discuss both viewpoints, which is a good start, but you fell short of developing your arguments thoroughly. Your conclusion summarises your opinion, however, it is not entirely clear how you compare the significance of each viewpoint. A higher score demands a balanced discussion of both views and a reasoned conclusion derived from the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is somewhat apparent, as there is an attempt to organize ideas using paragraphs. However, transitions between ideas are abrupt, and the overall flow can be improved by using a range of linking words and cohesive devices. Paragraphs should have clear topic sentences, and ideas should be developed in a logical sequence.
coherence cohesion
Main points are present but need better support. Supporting statements should include specific examples and explanations to illustrate your points clearly. Facts, statistics, or real-life examples can enhance the quality and persuasiveness of your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
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