The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey.

The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey.
The given diagram shows the process of making
honey
by
bees
. It can be seen that there are three main steps in producing
honey
beginning with
bees
make a
hive
for collecting nectar from flowers followed by transfer to dive and
finally
processing into
honey
for people or themselves to consume. First of all,
bees
have to build a container called
Hive
, It is connected by multiple built hives into one.
Next,
bees
leave the
hive
to find suitable flowers to collect nectar. for making
honey
. After it is taken back, the production begins inside the
hive
. Each nectar is transferred into cells that used the wing to make the air for cooling them down.
As a result
, the water evaporates and ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
finally
honey
is made and transformed into a jar for sale.
Submitted by gor_toey on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words honey, bees, hive with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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