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Band 5.5

Some people think that public health is a responsibility of the government, while others believe that individuals should be responsible for their own health . Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #responsibility #government #individuals
Thesa
Correct your spelling
These
 days,
although
 humans consider that
people
 must be in charge of
healthiness
Add an article
the healthiness
show examples
 of them, a large number of
persons
Replace the word
people
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 believe that the administration is accountable for
wellness
Add an article
the wellness
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 of citizens.
This
 essay will discuss both points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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 and
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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 that the responsibility for our personal
healthiness
Replace the word
health
show examples
 is the most appropriate way of being well. On the one hand,
it is clear that
 it is difficult to imagine our life without modern medical indispensable items. When emergencies occur, we are provided by individuals who are responsible for first aid,
significant
Correct word choice
and significant
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 and high-quality medicines.
For instance
, in 2019, the lives of millions of
people
 affected by coronavirus during the pandemic that took place around the world were saved by experienced doctors. The
utilize
Replace the word
utilisation
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 of proper medical care and medication during emergencies may
further
 improve a person's
health
Replace the word
healthy
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 lifestyle.
On the other hand
, some
people
 might say that the
people
 of
modern
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the modern
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 world we live in today prefer things which are natural and effective, rather than artificially prepared medicines. If someone has sufficient knowledge and skill in medicine, they may be able to supply better assistance than the persons who are accountable for
wellness
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the wellness
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 of them.
For example
, the number of
people
 dying
as a result
 of misdiagnosis and medical care by
inexpensed
Correct your spelling
inexpensive
 doctors, especially the consumption of poor-quality drugs, is increasing on a yearly basis. In conclusion, having considered both sides of the issue, I would argue that
although
 the government should take eventual responsibility for
healthiness
Add an article
the healthiness
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 of citizens, certain steps need to be taken care of
wellness
Add an article
the wellness
show examples
 of our life by ourselves.
Submitted by behzodmrzv on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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