IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of the total US population aged 65 and over between 1900 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the percentage of the total US population aged 65 and over between 1900 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.
#percentage #population #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar graph illustrates the gradual growth of the US elder
population
 divided
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 three different age
range
Fix the agreement mistake
ranges
show examples
 between 1900
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 2000. The general trend among all the group ages increases gradually and with a significant majority of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 aged 65 and 75 years old. The main
features
Fix the agreement mistake
feature
show examples
 to look at
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 is that
population
from
Change preposition
of
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 all ages increases gradually starting in 1900 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
4% of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 and peaking
more
Change preposition
at more
show examples
 than 12% in 1990.
It is clear that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big part of the
population
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 aged between 65 and 75 years old, almost double
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the other two ranges together. All the
population
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the 75-84 range are the second majority on the chart compared to 1900 data, they doubled the numbers during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1990 and 2000. The minority of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 aged more than 85,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 they increased significantly between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1970 and 2000.
To conclude
 the graph, numbers tend to gradually increase and
it is clear that
 the majority
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the
population
 aged between 65-74 years compared to the rest.
Submitted by celinedoultremontt on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "it is clear that".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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