IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Overpopulation in many major urban centres around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?

#overpopulation #centres #world
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One of the serious issues facing the majority of large urban
areas
Use synonyms
 is overpopulation. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 is the lack of employment opportunities and lack of facilities in the rural
areas
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, and the viable solution is for the government to incentivise its
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 to stay in those
areas
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. The number of
people
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 allocating to urban
areas
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 increases every year, causing overpopulation in the majority of urban centres. Most
people
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 are seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
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a better
job
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 opportunity that can provide them with a higher income, a higher standard of living and a
job
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 that allows them to prosper and develop their own growth. Since the city centres are often the centre of business districts compared to the rural
areas
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,
people
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wants
Change the verb form
want
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 to secure a
job
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 where they can ensure their work stability.
For instance
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, Phnom Penh, the capital city of Cambodia is reported to be too crowded, as there is a large jump of
people
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 moving to the capital cities to secure
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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a career. A solution to help mitigate
this
Linking Words
 problem is to offer incentives to
people
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 who are living in those towns with smaller populations. Since the primary goal of
people
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 relocating to huge cities is because of capital,
therefore
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, by giving
people
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 allowances
such
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 as house allowance can help prevent the issue.
In addition
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, the government can
also
Linking Words
provide
Verb problem
apply
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implement a scheme of equal wages, despite the work location.
For instance
Linking Words
, the South Korean government are giving allowance to their citizen who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
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 in a developing area, and providing more subsidies for farmers or workers who are working in those locations. In conclusion, the major urban problem of overpopulation caused by the excessive number of
people
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 relocating to find a better
job
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 in the city can be partly alleviated by the introduction of incentivising
people
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 who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
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 in those underdeveloped
areas
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. I would certainly stay in the rural area if it was introduced in my area.
Submitted by cspheaa on

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task response
Expand on the reasons for overpopulation in urban areas and provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear and well-structured introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize the main points of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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