IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Countries with long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #time #consequences
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As competition between businesses
evolve
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evolves
show examples
 radically,
people
Use synonyms
 spending much more
time
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
 become inevitable.
While
Linking Words
 working
long
Change the article
a long
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time
Use synonyms
 do
brings
Change the verb form
bring
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 great benefits to
Correct article usage
the economic
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economic
Replace the word
economy
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,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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some
people
Use synonyms
 believe it
also
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cause
Change the verb form
causes
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 socially detrimental ramifications. I agree with the view and think working overload will distance
people
Use synonyms
 from family and friends. Admittedly, economic and
technology
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technological
show examples
 progress is dedicated by
people
Use synonyms
 working day and night.
For example
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, the reason why Taiwan Company TSMC can be significantly successful is owing to the researcher working overtime
everyday
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every day
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 just to surpass other competitors.
Furthermore
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, great success
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
economic
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economy
show examples
 can
also
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 improve
country’s
Correct article usage
a country’s
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 position all over the world and make
people
Use synonyms
’s life better.
However
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, long-
time
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working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 will cause many negative repercussions.
Firstly
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, when
people
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allocates
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allocate
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 most of
the
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their
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time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
to
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work
Use synonyms
, they spend less
time
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 with
closely
Change the adverb
close
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 relationships at the meantime. Not only will the worker feel remarkably
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
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 and
fatigue
Wrong verb form
fatigued
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 without
accompany
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accompanying
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 by family, but their child or mate will
also
Linking Words
 feel lonely.
Secondly
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, there will be no
time
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 for them to participate
lovely
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in lovely
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hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
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 and
distracted
Wrong verb form
distract
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 them from
work
Use synonyms
temporary
Change the word
temporarily
show examples
. As the situation
last
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, workers will lose enthusiasm and doubt the meaning of their hard
work
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,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
more
Add the comma(s)
,more
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 might harm their mental and physical health as well.
To conclude
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, I believe working longer
time
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 increase economic growth, but the demerit
surpass
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surpasses
show examples
 the merit and critically affect
people
Use synonyms
 in
bad
Change the article
a bad
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 way.
Thus
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,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should take serious at
this
Linking Words
 issue and formulate corresponding law to supervise
company
Correct article usage
the company
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 and assure every employee achieve
life-
Correct article usage
a life-work
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 balance.
Submitted by truehappy588 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average working time
  • Economically successful
  • Negative social consequences
  • Employee burnout
  • Competitive edge
  • Global markets
  • Consumer spending
  • Productivity
  • Work-life balance
  • Mental health issues
  • Community ties
  • Societal well-being
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