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Writing Samples /
Band 5

More and more people are moving to cities to look for work. What are the problems does this cause? What are the possible solutions?

#people #cities #work
This
 is
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
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 era, 70% of people are working whether male or female So most individuals are shifting to urban
areas
 to look for jobs. Yours is attracting
on
Change preposition
apply
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urban
areas
 for employment.
This
 paragraph discusses both sides. Let's
tostart
Correct your spelling
start
 begin, Now almost every Individual are doing the job for bread and butter, But the best salaries and jobs are available in metropolitan
cities
while
 the rural area did not upgrade and there has no good source of employment
Although
, the salary average to less than in
cities
.
Moreover
, you moving to metropolis
cities
 because of here
available
Replace the word
availability
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 of all types of Facilities and
modern
Correct article usage
a modern
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 lifestyle and they want
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freedom from their parents and they want successful on
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 feet.
Additionally
, some youngster study at universities with
a higher scores
Correct the article-noun agreement
a higher score
higher scores
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 and they passed higher education and courses at the biggest universities but when they search for work in nearby their
areas
such
 as rural
areas
 So they have not found the best jobs
according to
 their studies and capability or skills that's the one of the
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
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 They moving to metropolitan
cities
 for bright future and other best opportunities.
Nevertheless
, In the biggest
cities
 very
advance
Replace the word
advanced
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villages
while
 here many rural and country yard
areas
 are too
backwards
Change the word
backward
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 and there have people's mentality is so
backwards
Change the word
backward
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 Thats why the new generation wants facilities and government should awareness of farmers for
advanced
Add an article
the advanced
an advanced
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technique
Fix the agreement mistake
techniques
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 of farming so that they improve agriculture theme and youth aware to new machinery and farming technique
However
, they earn a good income.
For instance
,
cities
 area are facing huge
crowd
Fix the agreement mistake
crowds
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such
 as traffic, in public places
as well as
 facing many critical issues related to health. In conclusion, the government should awareness of people
such
 as in villages and country yard
areas
 So what they do works in rural
areas
,
Hence
, the new generation
aware
Add a missing verb
is aware
show examples
 of their area for new business ideas.
Submitted by PREETY  on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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