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Band 5.5

Walking is known to be beneficial for health and yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this problem?

#health #people
Walking is known to
be having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 benefits for health,
nonetheless
, fewer
people
 are walking these days.
This
 is mainly because of the development of
transportation
 and the lack of awareness of the benefits of walking. There are a number of solutions that should be implemented to deal with the habit of not walking.
Firstly
, the reason for
people
 reducing their walking these days is
due to
 the development of
transportation
.
In other words
, since
transportation
 has improved, and it is available to everyone, everyone is able to
use
 it all the time rather than walking. When
people
 go to
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
work in the morning,
for example
, they do not go on foot to reach their destination,
instead
of
Change preposition
apply
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Correct pronoun usage
apply
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this
, they
use
 the bus or train, which makes them lose the chance of getting healthier by walking.
Secondly
, the decrease in
people
 who walk is owing to the lack of awareness of the positive things that come
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with walking. To put it simply, when
people
 walk,
this
 will turn on their blood circulation in the body and it is for sure will improve their immune system.
However
, most
people
 do not know
this
 information, especially, elderly
people
 who must walk more than other
people
 in society.
Moreover
, walking is an effective way to protect the body from disease and illnesses. There are two effective solutions to the problem of the decline in the rate of
people
 who walk. One way to tackle
this
 problem is to reduce the
use
 of
transportation
 as much as possible.
People
 may
use
 bicycles as another method to reach their work or to head out to any place they desire.
Therefore
,
this
 will make the muscles move, and
this
 will be good for their health surely. Another way of dealing with the habit of not walking is to set programs and lectures for
people
 to be aware of the benefits of walking.
In addition
, some organizations may adopt shows that inform
people
 about walking frequently. Namely, they can show reports of the differences between the
people
 who walk and the
people
 who do not.
As a result
,
this
 could increase the rate of
people
 who walk. In conclusion, reducing the
use
 of
transportation
 and
also
 giving awareness to
people
 about the importance of walking are effective in dealing with
this
 dilemma. If governments and organizations implemented these solutions, the rate of
people
 who walk will rise soon.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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coherence cohesion
Organize the essay into distinct paragraphs to improve coherence and cohesion.
task response
Expand on the benefits of walking and the reasons for the decline in walking in order to provide a more comprehensive response.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
Incorporate a variety of complex sentence structures and pay attention to subject-verb agreement to demonstrate grammatical range.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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