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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should be taken in control by their parents while others argue that they need to learn to be independent. Discuss both views and give you opinion

Debate
Correct article usage
The debate
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that
Change preposition
about
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 how children should learn or live is increasing every day.Some folks
of
Change preposition
in
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 society suggest that toddlers should be taken
into
Change preposition
under
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 control by their mothers and fathers
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, others think that they should learn by themselves.I agree with the second statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs. To start with,toddlers living under supervision might live a safe life.Having controlling parents will help their children to avoid drugs
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 it is the time when adolescents
get
Verb problem
are
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 influenced by others to take drugs.
For example
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,a report published by BBC News depicted that up to 90% of teenagers got involved in drugs whose parents did not interfere in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Besides
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,teenagers will not have financial pressure because their experienced fathers will suggest to them to avoid mistakes they
did
Verb problem
made
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 in their
carrier
Use the right word
careers
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.
As a result
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,children will have risk-free options.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,independent learning might give kids various options globally.
Although
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 primary caregivers have a lot of experience in life yet they are not familiar with new technology;
thus
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,independent learning may provide kids with numerous options in regard to their
carrier
Use the right word
career
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;
consequently
Linking Words
,chances of getting rich will be higher.
Apart from
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this
Linking Words
,if given control to
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
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 to choose what they expect their child to become
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then
Punctuation problem
, then
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 they will be pressurised to choose from limited old-school jobs;
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hence
Punctuation problem
hence,
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 teenagers will get depressed.
To sum up
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,both sides have their pros and cons
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 freedom given to the new generation will be proven handy
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
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,I do not support the idea of controlled learning as the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 approach do not
overweigh
Verb problem
outweigh
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 the disadvantages.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion. It will help the reader understand your view better.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, use 'firstly', 'secondly', 'however', and 'on the other hand' more effectively.
task achievement
You have presented both views well and made an effort to support your opinion.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and help to illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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