IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health process as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

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In today's busy
life
Add a comma
,life
show examples
 a major part of employees
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 little
time
Use synonyms
 on
sports
Use synonyms
 activities. They have no
time
Use synonyms
 and energy during working
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, but
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their leisure
Use synonyms
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 there are some more important things to do.
As a result
Linking Words
, some diseases will appear in the future. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will describe the causes of
this
Linking Words
 issue and measures that could be done to resolve it.
To begin
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 with, the population doesn't pay much attention to having
sports
Use synonyms
 exercises regularly . One of the reasons why that happen is a leak of information about consequences . Individuals can't realise that a sedentary lifestyle may cause very important health problems .
For instance
Linking Words
, obesity, heart disease, diabetes,
some
Correct word choice
and some
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 types of cancer.
Secondly
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, it is hard to find
time
Use synonyms
 for
sports
Use synonyms
 working 40 or more hours a week. More important things,
such
Linking Words
 as housework have to be done.
Also
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,because of
people
Use synonyms
's
nature
Add a comma
,nature
show examples
 it is hard to motivate themselves, they need support ,
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 training in groups, but that kind of
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 is quite expensive. So,both government and employers should take measures to deal with that issue.
Firstly
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,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should think about how to
explain
Add the preposition
toexplain
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 how important
active
Correct article usage
an active
show examples
 lifestyle is.
For example
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, books for children or social advertisements for adults.
Also
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, employers should offer more flexible working hours .
Furthermore
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 , they can organise some
sports
Use synonyms
 activities at work to motivate their workers.
Besides
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, city administration can organise free
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 for different
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, in my hometown Jurmala in the summer there are some free trainings for all city dwellers on the beach.
To conclude
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, an active lifestyle is very important for our health , but individuals don't think about that . They have too busy life , so some measures have to be done to motivate
people
Use synonyms
.

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