IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children thi message?

#cultures #children #thi #message
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Sometimes,
children
Use synonyms
 are advised differently
according to
Linking Words
 their culture, that if they endure difficulties, they can achieve everything they want. In
this
Linking Words
 passage, I will discuss both advantages and disadvantages,
then
Linking Words
 I will give my point of view. Nowadays the pace of life is high and
this
Linking Words
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 people to lose their patience, so they want to accomplish anything as soon as possible without trying hard. So, I think it is good to teach
children
Use synonyms
 from a young age to practice working hard and having discipline in their lives to achieve the
goals
Use synonyms
 they have set.
In addition
Linking Words
 , most
children
Use synonyms
 just like the imagination of achieving
goals
Use synonyms
, and only a few of them are ready to face challenges and difficulties on the way to the
goals
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think the world is more complicated than we could forecast our plans and situations, it is true that
children
Use synonyms
 should work hard if they want to accomplish their
goals
Use synonyms
, but,
also
Linking Words
, they should have real insight into the probability of their endures might be failed and
this
Linking Words
 is acceptable and ok, sometimes
children
Use synonyms
 couldn’t fulfil in their lives
although
Linking Words
 they do their best. In conclusion, I think it is necessary that
children
Use synonyms
 learn how to focus on their activities to achieve
goals
Use synonyms
 but they should be aware that, in some ,situations they might not accomplish their
goals
Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
 they try so hard.
Submitted by samiraazizzadeh93 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: