IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Learning at university would be more effective if men and women were educated separately. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#university #men #women
In many
Change preposition
Many
show examples
 religious countries, like Iran, believe that universities should be segregated based on gender and they are taught separately for learning better.
However
, I firmly disagree with
this
 opinion because it has negative drawbacks
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
 and educational
life
 of students. First of all, separate classes may create problems
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 students’ social
life
. It means that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they never teach how to react
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 each other. And for
long
Add an article
the long
a long
show examples
term
Add a comma
,term
show examples
 it has
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on their personality.
For example
, boys become ruder and girls become shier gradually.
Both
genders
 may forget how to behave their
cross gender
Add a hyphen
cross-gender
show examples
 in time. Going to university is one of the golden durations of
life
that
Change preposition
in that
show examples
 young adults learn
worthful
Replace the word
worthy
show examples
 traits
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 their
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
. So, if students don’t have any interaction between their
cross gender
Add a hyphen
cross-gender
show examples
 in class, they couldn’t be able to recover their attitudes in social
life
.
Secondly
, men and women
from
Correct your spelling
form
show examples
 integral
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of society and it is important that
both
genders
 work together and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
influence
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
each other for
progressing
Replace the word
progress
show examples
 of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
.
For example
, men usually think more logically and women
comparatively
Add a missing verb
are comparatively
show examples
 more
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
. When
both
genders
 learn lessons, they can have useful
discussion
Fix the agreement mistake
discussions
show examples
 and learn new things from each other. In conclusion,
both
genders
 have specific features and, in my opinion, they never should be apart from each other. They can gain important and valuable traits from each other.
Also
, it has
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 impact on their future
life
 like in their marriage or working
life
.
Submitted by panizpakdel19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • single-gender education
  • coeducational
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • social dynamics
  • learning styles
  • cognitive differences
  • participation rates
  • diverse workplaces
  • educational outcomes
  • psychological implications
  • empirical evidence
  • inclusivity
  • reinforcement of gender roles
  • gender-segregated
What to do next:
Look at other essays: