IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

people are sending their elders to nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this

#people #elders #homes
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Currently
Add a comma
,Currently
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 the world population are changing and everyone must grow up but your father and mother are
elders
Use synonyms
. And
seriously
Change the word
serious
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 problems are lack of caring them because
of
Change preposition
apply
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everybody must work at their company and
not
Add a missing verb
does not
show examples
enough
Add a missing verb
have enough
show examples
 time to
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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care
Use synonyms
 their them.
Hence
Linking Words
, a lot of people decided to
sent
Change the verb
send
show examples
 their
elders
Use synonyms
 to stay at nursing
homes
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
benefit
Add an article
the benefit
show examples
 is the
elders
Use synonyms
 received good
care
Use synonyms
 from nurses and
not
Add a missing verb
were not
show examples
 alone. On the one hand, many advantage for elder living at
nurse
Use synonyms
homes
Use synonyms
 is under caring by
nurse
Use synonyms
 and
expertise
Replace the word
experts
show examples
 that
able
Add a missing verb
are able
show examples
 to monitor healthy which included
mentality
Replace the word
mental
show examples
 and physical to them. and instantly take
care
Use synonyms
 and action in case of
excursion
Correct article usage
an excursion
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.
Also
Linking Words
 increased mental
healthy
Replace the word
health
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 because the nursing
homes
Use synonyms
 contain many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people that able to share
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
storys
Correct your spelling
stories
 and involve
many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
activitys
Correct your spelling
activities
 together each other.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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 their son or daughter can focus
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their job and family without worried
Use synonyms
elders
Change noun form
elders'
elder's
show examples
 healthy condition.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
elders
Use synonyms
 mental in case of stress increasing
due to
Linking Words
 living without their family and
strange
Change preposition
in strange
show examples
 place like
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
a nurse home
nurse homes
show examples
nurse
Use synonyms
homes
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 quality issue is very important because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many
elders
Use synonyms
 live and
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
expertise
Replace the word
experts
show examples
 and
nurse
Use synonyms
 or doctor
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not
ennough
Correct your spelling
enough
 to cover all
elders
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly agree for
elders
Use synonyms
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 at
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
home cause of intensive
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with parents is very important
although
Linking Words
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
care
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of elder
show examples
elder
Fix the agreement mistake
elders
show examples
 will
tried
Change the verb form
try
show examples
 but it is the best choice for me.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
,Additionally
show examples
memorize
Wrong verb form
memorising
show examples
while
Linking Words
 we live together
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
still
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
show examples
 in our minds forever.
Submitted by kmutnbeng48 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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