The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum

Firstly

schools

are an ideal place to promote physical

activity

and healthy habits among

children

. By making physical

education

a mandatory part of the curriculum,

children

would be encouraged to engage in physical

activity

regularly, which could help prevent obesity and other related

health

issues.

Additionally

, providing physical

education

classes would help

children

develop important skills,

such

as teamwork, communication, and leadership, which can be beneficial in their future lives.

Moreover

, regular physical

activity

has been linked to improved academic performance in

children

. Studies have shown that

children

who engage in physical

activity

regularly perform better academically than those who do not.

This

is because physical

activity

helps improve blood flow to the brain, leading to better cognitive function and memory retention.

Thus

, by introducing more physical

education

lessons,

schools

can improve both the physical and mental

health

of their students.

Furthermore

, by encouraging physical

activity

through school-based programmes,

children

may be more likely to continue these habits into adulthood.

This

could have a positive impact on the healthcare system by reducing the number of people with obesity-related

health

issues,

such

as heart disease, diabetes, and stroke. To give an example, a recent study showed that more than 70% of adults who do regular exercise were encouraged to do so at

their

Change the word

show examples

early age. In conclusion, I believe that introducing more physical

education

lessons in

schools

is an effective way to tackle the growing issue of obesity and related

health

problems. By promoting physical

activity

and healthy habits among

children

schools

can improve the physical and mental

health

of their students, which could have a positive impact on the healthcare system in the long run

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Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

275 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rates
health care system
physical education
instill
long term
raise awareness
healthier lifestyle choices
nutritional education
active transport
quality of instruction
facilities and equipment
diet control initiatives
community sports programs

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