IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You recently bought some train tickets for a journey a week in advance. When you went to the station to catch the train, you were told you could not use the tickets and the staff were very unhelpful to you. Write a letter to the train company. In your letter •describe the problem you had with the tickets •say why you were unhappy with the staff I •suggest what action the train company should take

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Dear Sir, I am writing to draw your attention to a serious matter I faced with my journey
ticket
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 yesterday. For a personal reason, I had to go to Dhaka from Chittagong and I bought tickets online a week in advance. On the journey day, I stood in the
ticket
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 checking line but unfortunately, the staff refused my
ticket
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 saying that my
ticket
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 did not show an ID number. I was truly astonished at the matter and tried to manage them as that was actually a system error but none of my mistakes. I am really very much shocked at the behaviour of the staff there as they were very rude and non-cooperative.
Furthermore
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, They not only misbehaved with me but
also
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 denied refunding the
ticket
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 price as I could not attend the journey.
Moreover
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, they shouted at me saying I could not do any harm to them for their misconduct.
However
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, I am expecting some strong action from your side since it is
overall
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 a very bad incident for the reputation of the railway department. First of all, I hope you will arrange my refund,
then
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 you should trace the staff who were there during
this
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 incident and take action against them after a proper investigation.
This
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 should not happen again. Thank you for considering and I am looking forward to receiving a positive response soon. Yours sincerely John

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task achievement
Ensure more precise details about the incident are provided, such as the date and time of the encounter. This will strengthen the task response.
task achievement
Consider providing the ticket number or reference for further clarity and evidence in the letter.
coherence cohesion
This letter could benefit from breaking down the incident and the staff behavior into separate paragraphs for more detailed explanation and emphasis.
greeting and closing
The letter initiates and ends with appropriate greetings and closings, reflecting a suitable and respectful tone throughout.
logical structure
The use of headings clearly divides each point and maintains a coherent structure, aiding the reader's understanding.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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