IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate in order to look for work. What will be consequences of this? What solutions can you offer?

#people #background #work #consequences #offer
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Nowadays a growing number of
people
 are planning to move from
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the country
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country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
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 to more developed places for beginning their life again like working.
This
 essay will look at the reason for
this
 and purpose some
solution
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solutions
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. First of all, I would like to argue that one of the causes for
this
 case is that most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 believe that the capital city severs
for
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as
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 the commercial hub
for
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of
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 a nation
whereas
 the fact is almost true because of the high standard of living and
a
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apply
show examples
better quality in more developed cities. The schools and universities in
city
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the city
a city
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 can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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open our
broaden
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broad
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mind
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minds
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 and they give much knowledge which is related to not only educational thoughts but
also
 life lessons. A
well -educated
Correct your spelling
well-educated
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 person can treat the whole
country
 to be more developed
undoubtably
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
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. To tackle
this
 issue, the educational background of
countryside
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the countryside
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 should not be left to consider by the government. They need to construct a public library,
a more educated teachers
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more educated teachers
a more educated teacher
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to
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in
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 every part of the
country
 and an educational discussion
ceremonial
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ceremony
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 in order to get
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 idea
how
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of how
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 much education is important in a
country
. Another cause of
this
 problem is that the amount of salary in
capital
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the capital
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 is much higher than that of outskirt areas.
A professional
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Professional
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 skill is increasing constantly
lead
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leading
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 to
get
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getting
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a better opportunities
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better opportunities
a better opportunity
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 and higher income definitely. Take an example the comparison between the amount of money of a talented person who has five
years
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years'
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experiences
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experience
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from
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in
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rural
Correct article usage
a rural
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 area and an individual with
same
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the same
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 experiences in
urban
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an urban
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 is far less. The issue could be addressed by the government should equally raise the amount of salary which would attract more
people
 into
profession
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the profession
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.
To sum up
, more and more
people
 want to relocate
due to
 the undeveloped educational background and salaries.
This
 is a serious problem and unless there are no
people
 to work in the agricultural land, our future will need to
be suffer
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suffer
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. My view is that the main responsibility for solving
this
 problem lies with the government.
Submitted by hninayewuttyi.h on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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