IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
The rapid urbanization
trend
is seen
Change the verb form
has seen
show examples
 all other the world. Some think that
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 losing its residents to the cities is a negative
trend
.
However
, I hold the point, that urbanisation has far more merits than demerits. In
this
 essay, high-level facilities and
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 impact on the environment of
megapolis
Correct article usage
the megapolis
show examples
 migration
trend
 will be discussed. My view is that the future is about thousands of megapolises around the world, where citizens have advanced facilities and affordable housing. Cities are having densely connected communities, where transporting is time and money efficient.
For example
,
subway
Add an article
the subway
show examples
 system in New York helps millions of people every day to commute, providing cheap, fast and environment-friendly service.
Moreover
, urban areas are beneficial for
population
Add an article
the population
a population
show examples
 in extreme weather conditions, like deserts. The government of Saudi Arabia is building an enormous city, with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 length of one hundred miles, in the previously inhabitable region. If the construction goes
according to
 the plan, the area will have air conditioning systems, oasis parks and ponds inside, making it comfortable for
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
.  Yet another point is that cities are times more space efficient than countryside areas.
While
 the Earth’s
population
 is rapidly growing, available habitable areas are decreasing
due to
 the global warming effects
such
 as floods and droughts.
For instance
, more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
10% of
planet’s
Correct article usage
the planet’s
show examples
 land is used for private agricultural needs.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
population
 have their own farmlands, which are used less efficiently than ones owned by companies and professionals.
Therefore
,
urban
Correct article usage
the urban
show examples
population
 spend less
Change preposition
on nature’s
show examples
nature’s
Change noun form
nature
show examples
 resources by getting food from shops.  Indeed, I strongly believe that
effects
Correct article usage
the effects
show examples
 discussed above are making an urbanization mainly positive
trend
. If it was not for cities’ effectiveness and comfort, people will have less motivation to move there.
Submitted by tkharisov7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: