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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, people devote too much time to their job. This leaves very little time for their personal life. How widespread is the problem? What problem will this shortage of time cause?

#people #time #job #life #shortage
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The problem of not having enough
time
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 for one’s personal
life
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 is becoming increasingly widespread. In
this
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 day and age, many people are caught up in the rat race of trying to make ends meet, and
as a result
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, many of them sacrifice their personal lives for the sake of climbing the corporate ladder.
This
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 shortage of
time
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 can cause a variety of problems. Perhaps the most obvious one is the fact that
individuals
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 struggle to make meaningful connections with others or enjoy recreational activities.
As a result
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, they can lead activities that feel empty and unfulfilled, with their professional growth providing little in the way of satisfaction.
Further
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, not engaging with friends and family members can lead to feelings of alienation, loneliness and unhappiness. More importantly, not having
time
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 for yourself can lead to physical and mental health problems. Without proper rest, relaxation and self-care,
individuals
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 can develop a range of underlying health issues over
time
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,
such
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 as high blood pressure, depression and heart disease.
This
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 is why it is so important for
individuals
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 to make
time
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 for themselves, even if they have a hectic work schedule.
Finally
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, not having enough
time
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 for personal
life
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 can lead to a decrease in productivity at work. It is essential for
individuals
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 to have a
life
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 outside of work in order to stay motivated and productive in their jobs. When people are burnt out from having to deal with only work-related duties, their
overall
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 job performance can suffer. In conclusion, we can say that people devote too much
time
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 to their jobs, personal and professional, both lives are important, so everyone should make a balance to live a happy
life
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.
Submitted by simran31788 on

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task response
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the problem of not having enough time for personal life and its consequences. The examples provided support the main points well, but you could strengthen the analysis further by adding more specific examples or statistics.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the discussion. The ideas are logically organized and connected throughout the essay. To improve coherence, try to use more transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • stress-related ailments
  • prolonged work hours
  • decreased productivity
  • flexible work hours
  • remote working options
  • overwork
  • well-being
  • mental health issues
  • strain on relationships
  • reduced availability
  • chronic stress
  • employee well-being
  • workplace culture
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