IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many Manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which cause many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
One of the reasons for health problems nowadays, is the high
levels
 of
sugar
 included in many manufactured
food
 and drink
products
. Some people suggest increasing the price of sugary
products
 to decrease consumption. In my opinion,
this
 action will not help to solve the problem, it may decrease the consumption a little but will not solve it. High
sugar
levels
 are included in many
products
 that we consume nearly every day. These high
levels
 cause many diseases like diabetes, heart disease and tooth problems. Nowadays, it is ordinary to find a child less than 10 years old and some of his/ her teeth are black.
Moreover
, the number of diabetics increases
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the youth more than in the past.
It is clear that
 the changes in life habits and the fast pace style that we are living have a huge impact on our
food
 choices. Now, we prefer to buy
food
 from supermarkets more than from farms or farmers' markets.
However
, these kinds of
food
 contain a large number of preservers and high
levels
 of
sugar
. Raising awareness is the solution.
However
, decreasing the demand for manufactured
products
 that contain high
levels
 of
sugar
 should come
as a result
 of the awareness and knowledge of how these types of foods and drinks damage our bodies. Health care could be a subject that children study in school to encourage them to follow a healthy lifestyle.
Furthermore
, to learn how to preserve their body from the damage of fast
food
 and supermarket
food
.
To sum up
, making sugary
products
 more expensive is not the solution.
However
, raising awareness and developing knowledge is the path to a healthier generation.
While
 increasing the choices of healthier
food
 in the supermarket may share in lowering the consequences
levels
.
Submitted by nohaaburab3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: