IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

"The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

#aim #science #people #lives
People
 believe that improving one’s life should be the main result of
science
. In fact,
science
 had an important role in developing society and led to individual
lives
 becoming easier through innovations.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 the advantages of
science
 should be controlled by the state.
Firstly
, there are innovations of
scientists
 that much of benefits help
people
’s
lives
 to have positive changes in the modern world.
For instance
, groundbreaking inventions
such
 as electricity,
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
, telecommunications, and the internet contributed greatly to the easy exchange of information for
people
 in different countries. From there,
people
 in undeveloped countries might quickly learn from developed ones to shortly the gap between poor and rich as soon as help their
lives
 better.
Secondly
,
scientists
 spent a lot of time researching the field of medicine, leading to discovering effective treatments. By focusing on enhancing
people
’s well-being,
science
 has played an important role
to eliminate
Change preposition
in eliminating
show examples
 disease,
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 suffering,
prevent
Wrong verb form
and preventing
show examples
 a pandemic.
For example
, covid-19 pandemic harmed
people
over
Rephrase
all over
show examples
 the world, a large numerous
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
show examples
 when it started in China. After that,
scientists
 researched and invented new vaccines to
hold
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 the development of covid-19 virus.
Nevertheless
, some
scientists
 conduct experiments in just hope of adding to their knowledge. But unfortunately, it fell into organizations that use it with the goal of harming
people
.
For example
, the explosive supported to
destroy
Replace the word
destruction
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 planet in the war. In conclusion,
science
 not only improves
people
’s
lives
 but
also
 prevents things harmful to them. But the government should control the acts that take advantage of
science
 to harm
people
.
Submitted by buithuongkt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement that specifically addresses the extent to which you agree or disagree.
coherence cohesion
Add topic sentences to each paragraph to guide the reader through your main points.
lexical resource
Consider using more varied vocabulary and sentence structures.
grammatical range accuracy
Review your grammar and punctuation to improve accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: