IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

"The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?"

#aim #science #people #lives
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People
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 believe that improving one’s life should be the main result of
science
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. In fact,
science
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 had an important role in developing society and led to individual
lives
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 becoming easier through innovations.
But
Correct word choice
However
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 the advantages of
science
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 should be controlled by the state.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are innovations of
scientists
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 that much of benefits help
people
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’s
lives
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 to have positive changes in the modern world.
For instance
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, groundbreaking inventions
such
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 as electricity,
computer
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computers
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, telecommunications, and the internet contributed greatly to the easy exchange of information for
people
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 in different countries. From there,
people
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 in undeveloped countries might quickly learn from developed ones to shortly the gap between poor and rich as soon as help their
lives
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 better.
Secondly
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,
scientists
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 spent a lot of time researching the field of medicine, leading to discovering effective treatments. By focusing on enhancing
people
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’s well-being,
science
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 has played an important role
to eliminate
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in eliminating
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 disease,
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
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 suffering,
prevent
Wrong verb form
and preventing
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 a pandemic.
For example
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, covid-19 pandemic harmed
people
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over
Rephrase
all over
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 the world, a large numerous
death
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deaths
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 when it started in China. After that,
scientists
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 researched and invented new vaccines to
hold
Verb problem
prevent
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 the development of covid-19 virus.
Nevertheless
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, some
scientists
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 conduct experiments in just hope of adding to their knowledge. But unfortunately, it fell into organizations that use it with the goal of harming
people
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.
For example
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, the explosive supported to
destroy
Replace the word
destruction
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the
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of the
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 planet in the war. In conclusion,
science
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 not only improves
people
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’s
lives
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 but
also
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 prevents things harmful to them. But the government should control the acts that take advantage of
science
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 to harm
people
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.
Submitted by buithuongkt on

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task achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement that specifically addresses the extent to which you agree or disagree.
coherence cohesion
Add topic sentences to each paragraph to guide the reader through your main points.
lexical resource
Consider using more varied vocabulary and sentence structures.
grammatical range accuracy
Review your grammar and punctuation to improve accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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