The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved.Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays,obesity is increasing in the number of individuals.Some people hold the view that physical education in school lessons should be started in order to get rid of inactivity.
While
some argue that it would be better for children to be disciplined by their schools,I strongly agree with
this
idea. In my opinion,nowadays, a large number of enlistees don`t study physical discipline,since they regard it as unnecessary.
According to
individuals only academic subjects
such
as math,mother tongue,etc are more beneficial to their sons than physical literacy.
Secondly
, some children are reluctant to learn physical schooling because ,in their opinion,
this
training is a waste of time.In short , enlistment
decide
Wrong verb form
decided
show examples
that they
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
to be taught only non-physical science in the institute.
For example
,none of the millionaires
trains
Correct subject-verb agreement
train
show examples
in sports
over
Rephrase
all over
show examples
the world,
as well as
their aims are more important than the sports tasks in their book. Despite these views, a range of parents
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
show examples
their pupils to study physical education subjects more than normal subjects in their area
of cause
Correct your spelling
because
show examples
their son`s health is the first priority for parents and many recruitments are interested in
this
.
In addition
, if admission spends more time on physical scholarship ,it will be a great benefit for their future.
This
means they are less likely to be obese than others.
For instance
,in Japan students do physical exercise in the morning on a daily basis. In conclusion, teenagers and their parents should agree to increase the figure of physical study lessons at university ,which is favourable for the future of their children.
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherent structure and logical flow. There are issues with topic development and organization of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement in clarity and relevance. The main points are addressed but are not well-supported with relevant examples or explanations.
task achievement
The essay partially responds to the prompt but lacks a clear and comprehensive development of ideas. The main points are not sufficiently explained, and the essay does not fully address the task. More specific examples and ideas are needed to fully develop the response and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
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