The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved.Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays,obesity is increasing in the number of individuals.Some people hold the view that physical education in school lessons should be started in order to get rid of inactivity.

While

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some argue that it would be better for children to be disciplined by their schools,I strongly agree with

this

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idea. In my opinion,nowadays, a large number of enlistees don`t study physical discipline,since they regard it as unnecessary.

According to

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individuals only academic subjects

such

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as math,mother tongue,etc are more beneficial to their sons than physical literacy.

Secondly

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, some children are reluctant to learn physical schooling because ,in their opinion,

this

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training is a waste of time.In short , enlistment

decide

Wrong verb form

decided

show examples

that they

need

Wrong verb form

needed

show examples

to be taught only non-physical science in the institute.

For example

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,none of the millionaires

trains

Correct subject-verb agreement

train

show examples

in sports

over

Rephrase

all over

show examples

the world,

as well as

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their aims are more important than the sports tasks in their book. Despite these views, a range of parents

tends

Correct subject-verb agreement

tend

show examples

their pupils to study physical education subjects more than normal subjects in their area

of cause

Correct your spelling

because

show examples

their son`s health is the first priority for parents and many recruitments are interested in

this

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In addition

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, if admission spends more time on physical scholarship ,it will be a great benefit for their future.

This

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means they are less likely to be obese than others.

For instance

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,in Japan students do physical exercise in the morning on a daily basis. In conclusion, teenagers and their parents should agree to increase the figure of physical study lessons at university ,which is favourable for the future of their children.

ieltsteaching0Mon Jun 12 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay lacks coherent structure and logical flow. There are issues with topic development and organization of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement in clarity and relevance. The main points are addressed but are not well-supported with relevant examples or explanations.

task achievement

The essay partially responds to the prompt but lacks a clear and comprehensive development of ideas. The main points are not sufficiently explained, and the essay does not fully address the task. More specific examples and ideas are needed to fully develop the response and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rates
health care system
physical education
instill
long term
raise awareness
healthier lifestyle choices
nutritional education
active transport
quality of instruction
facilities and equipment
diet control initiatives
community sports programs

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