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Band 5.5

some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible.others believe that some information is too valuable to be shared freely. discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #information
In recent times, the invention of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has changed the way
information
 is shared.
Although
 some
people
 would argue that every
information
Correct quantifier usage
piece of information
show examples
 should be distributed in
this
internet
 world,
this
 essay will explain why I agree with those who believe that there are some that should not be published on the basis of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 high value. To
be gin
Correct your spelling
begin
show examples
 with the
positieves
Correct your spelling
positives
, a crucial advantage of today's sharing culture is that everyone can have fair access to any
information
.
This
 is because all of us who have
internet
 access are allowed to find anything we want to know from online regardless of who we are.
For instance
,
whereas
 in the past only wealthy
people
 who could attend tertiary school could enhance
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 academic knowledge, nowadays we can obtain it from
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Correct your spelling
Internet
show examples
.
This
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 goes that poor
people
 might get academic education from these
sourses
Correct your spelling
sources
courses
, which would help them emerge from their poverty and step into
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 world.
However
,I believe there is some
information
 which should be handled only by professionals, especially when it comes to scientific materials. The reason behind
this
 is allowing
people
 who are not professionally educated
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the specific field might cause danger,
such
 as the case that a doctor on an unqualified basis might
illigally
Correct your spelling
illegally
 provide those
suffring
Correct your spelling
suffering
 from
simptons
Correct your spelling
symptoms
 with their hand-made medicine for the sake of financial profit.
Consequently
,
people
 would be sceptical
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 professionals and lose trust
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 them,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
thus
 the likelihood of social confusion. In conclusion,
although
 sharing
information
 online has some benefits
particuraly
Correct your spelling
particularly
 in terms of improving the social gap caused by
unfair
Correct article usage
the unfair
show examples
 chance
od
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 education, in my opinion, some
information
 should remain in
hands
Correct article usage
the hands
show examples
 of professionals in order to protect social safety.
Submitted by lisa_smile_2 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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