The growing number of owerweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum

#owerweight #people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum

One of the most problems of society is obesity.

This

sick did not emerge in modern times,it was in earlier times as well,but it was seen in one out of a thousand cases.The big reason for

that is

culture,in prehistoric times , teachers in schools taught pupils how to ride a horse, fence and something that requires a lot of effort

On the other hand

, Increasing physical education classes in schools is not the solution because , nowadays, a large number of people work in an office that sitting down to work which earner phlegm under the abdomen in the human body.

Submitted by ieltsteaching0 on Mon Jun 12 2023

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

102 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The growing number of owerweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The best way for governments to solve the problem of traffic congestion is providing free public transport 24 hours a day, seven days a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Governments should make public transportation free in order to reduce the number of private vehicles on roads, therefore leading to lower carbon emissions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More people are shopping online today than ever before. Why do people choose to shop this way? Are there any disadvantages to shopping online?

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?