Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones Why is this case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In
this
century, regarding recent
techology
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technology
societies tend to use
intellient
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intelligent
applicants in their daily life more than past. In
this
way,
children
like to spend their free with
smartphones
.
in
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In
show examples
this
essay, I will discuss why is
this
Correct article usage
an
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important
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
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and I would give my own
opiion
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opinion
opinions
about
advantages
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the advantages
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and disadvantages of
this
develoment
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development
.
Firstly
, modern phones have a lot of
beefits
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benefits
such
as increasing
a
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apply
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life comfort and quality. But، either
this
technology has to
Add a missing verb
be categorized
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categorized
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categorize
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by age
from
Change preposition
by
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governments or
restricts
Wrong verb form
restricted
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by
parnts
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parents
. Because
child
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children
show examples
tend
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tends
show examples
to use
smartphones
because of the internet cyber links or online game
platfoms
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platforms
,so not only
they
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do they
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find
opportuities
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opportunities
to get
a serious information
Remove the article
serious information
a piece of serious information
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which they have
to
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apply
show examples
never seen before 18 years old but they
also
can find digital
frieds
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friends
hole around
world
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the world
show examples
by
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through
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socible
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sociable
social
programs like
Instgram
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Instagram
or Telegram. So these
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
too important issues because their
parnts
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parents
do not have any data about their
child
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child's
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digital friends or
child
treatmnts
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treatments
in
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on
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that
platorm
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platform
.
For example
, Dark
wed
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Wed
show examples
is a too worth unreal world on the
intenet
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Internet
.
Thus
, some people can
barrow
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borrow
show examples
killer
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killers
show examples
or buy and sell drugs.
Secondly
, in my opinion, recent
technlogy
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technology
has lots of negative
point
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points
show examples
for
children
، because neither
the
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apply
show examples
smartphones
can made
a mental
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mental problems
a mental problem
show examples
problems
for
children
nor be made
a physical
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physical problems
a physical problem
show examples
problems
. As you know,
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
prefer to spend more than 5 or 6 hours
for
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on
show examples
their
phone's
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phone
show examples
especially
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,especially
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after
Corona virus
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Coronavirus
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calamity,
teacers
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teachers
had to
tough
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be tough
show examples
online, so
child
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children
show examples
used to study with
smartphones
.
therefore
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Therefore
show examples
, they became addicted
for
Change preposition
to
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their modern phones more than past. In
this
way, parents need to manage their
child
because
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
can find
physcal
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physical
problems
such
as
obeity
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obesity
because of a sedentary lifestyle. So if we compare
this
new generation with the past generations we can see that recent societies lost their activities, so
this
means that
child
new
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now
show examples
have
a
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apply
show examples
less activity than past
becuse
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because
of
smartphones
. In
conclsion
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conclusion
, new giants have lots of benefits
such
as comfort and quality. But we have to manage
information
Add an article
the information
show examples
which comes from
smartphones
. In the same way, digital
platfoms
Correct your spelling
platforms
have made physical and mental
problems
for
children
like obesity and harsh
treatmnts
Correct your spelling
treatments
treatment
. So we have to manage the use of phones for our
children
.
Submitted by mehrdad.salahi2003 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: