Some people think that children are having to much free time and this time should be use to study more. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
There is an opinion saying that
youngesters
need to study more than wasting their Correct your spelling
youngsters
time
on their leisure time
. I believe that having enough spare time
is crucial for every single child.
To begin
with, the most rational justification is that leisure time
leads to creativity. That is
, younger
generation can improve their Add an article
the younger
sence
of creation in their spare Correct your spelling
sense
time
by engaging different
activities. Take playing as an example; it is proven that playing with toys or peers has Change preposition
in different
an
significant impact on children's mind development. Change the article
a
Furthermore
, in
Change preposition
during
this
time
they gain a better understanding of their abilities and talents and as a
result
their self-confidence grows. a good illustration of Add a comma
result,
this
is skills that rarely are being taught in the schools such
as music lessons and they can learn them in their free time
.
Yet another compelling reason is that not all achievements are accomplished by studying hard. Although
sometimes it is necessary to study in order to have the
promising future, some other Correct article usage
a
satisifying
goals are not provided by just studying and need to spend other Correct your spelling
satisfying
time
on them to gain experience. For example
, not all jobs are directly related to the curriculums some of them like carpentry need job experience and younger people can spend their spare time
on it. In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
studiying
is very demanding and any extra pressure may Correct your spelling
studying
causes
mental and physical disorders Change the verb form
cause
such
as bone diseases and anxiety on
Change preposition
in
stdudents
.
Correct your spelling
students
To sum up
, considering the points disscused
above, the most rational conclusion to be drawn is that free Correct your spelling
discussed
time
is an undeniable right for children . This
is mainly because it is not wasting time
and help
them to develop their minds Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
as well as
their future.Submitted by m.tavasoli18 on
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task response
It's essential to maintain a balance between discussing the benefits of leisure time and addressing the opposing viewpoint, even if you disagree with it. Briefly mentioning the counterargument and refuting it can make your essay more comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrasing. For instance, instead of saying "leisure time" repeatedly, use synonyms like "spare time" or "free time." Additionally, ensure that your points flow logically from one to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to small grammatical and typographical errors to ensure clarity and professionalism. For example, use "younger generation" instead of "younger generation," and "youngsters" instead of "youngesters."
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument easily.
task response
You have provided relevant specific examples that effectively illustrate your points, such as the impact of play on mind development and the necessity of practical experience for certain jobs.