The children spend most of their time taking part in sports in a serious way (…not only for fun). Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#children #time #part #sports #…not #fun #development

The

children

should consider

to invest

Change the verb form

investing

show examples

most of their hours to take

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

part in sports, not only for fun but

also

for serious

way

. I believe that there is a negative development considering not all

children

want to be good at

sport

. On the one hand, doing a

sport

regular

Correct article usage

a regular

show examples

basis is a good

way

to maintain a child's health.

This

is already proven that regular

excercise

Correct your spelling

exercise

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

children

to keep fit and increase their mental health or reduce stress.

Morover

Correct your spelling

Moreover

, being active may support

children

to keep focus and to improve their attention in school,

as a

result

Add the comma(s)

,result

show examples

those who do

regular

Change the word

regularly

show examples

excersis

Correct your spelling

exercise

having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

a good

grade

Fix the agreement mistake

grades

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

class.

However

, I believe that doing an

excersie

Correct your spelling

exercise

in a moderate

way

will keep them healthy both

physical

Change the word

physically

show examples

and

mental

Change the word

mentally

show examples

On the other hand

, people

also

should consider

children

interest

Fix the agreement mistake

interests

show examples

another area

Fix the agreement mistake

other areas

show examples

. Some young people who think in a serious

way

Change preposition

about

show examples

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

are they want to be an athlete,

while

not all minors have

passion

Correct article usage

a passion

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

. There are probably juveniles who enjoy

Change preposition

apply

show examples

music,

academic

Fix the agreement mistake

academics

show examples

, and IT

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

adults should support

children

based on their potential.

For example

children

who like music will use most of their time to learn

musics

Change the wording

music

kinds of music

pieces of music

show examples

and instruments.

To sum up

eventhough

Correct your spelling

even though

being active in

sport

is good considering lots of

benefit

Change to a plural noun

benefits

show examples

that

children

may get either physical

and

Correct word choice

show examples

mental,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

people should

also

observe

children

hobby

Fix the agreement mistake

hobbies

show examples

and

interest

Fix the agreement mistake

interests

show examples

Consequently

children

will develop optimally when adults support their

preference

Fix the agreement mistake

preferences

show examples

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Mon Jun 12 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

250 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The children spend most of their time taking part in sports in a serious way (…not only for fun). Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly. However, many of them do not get enough exercise. What are the reasons? What can be done to encourage them to exercise more?

Some people say that “success is 10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work.” Is hard work key to success , or is talent also important ?

In today's World private companies rather than government pay for and conduct more scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

A growing number of people feel that animals should not be exploited by people and that they should have the same rights as humans, while others argue that humans must employ animals to satisfy their various needs, including uses for food and research. Discuss both views and give your opinion.